Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Wednesday, May 27. All times are Eastern.
The Briefcase (CBS, 8 p.m.): Looks like little Kenneth Ellen Parcell went to Moonves(t) with a better idea after the whole Gold Case debacle. It’s the series premiere of The Briefcase, a show about the “tough decision” of whether or not to keep free money in a capitalist society. It’s also surprisingly not on NBC. The episode—titled “Bronsons/Bergins,” which is clearly some type of a code—has “an injured military vet and the owners of an ice cream truck” choose between keeping a briefcase of $101,000 for themselves or share it with another hard-working family facing financial difficulty. The real question is why the extra $1,000. Joshua Alston’s We’ll Watch Anything (and that’s both a promises and a threat) piece on the show can actually explain that. Sort of.
Big Time In Hollywood, FL (Comedy Central, 10:30 p.m.): Blood. Drugs. Cuba Gooding Jr. Monkey. That’s what LaToya Ferguson expects in the season one finale of Big Time In Hollywood, FL. If she doesn’t get it, she’s prepared to write a strongly-worded Gchat to someone about it.
WWE NXT (WWE Network, 8 p.m.)
In the latest Expert Witness, Marah Eakin speaks with a contestant from the PBS classic Where In The World Is Carmen Sandiego? As for later in the day, at 1 p.m., Watch This and Joshua Alston get high with Nurse Jackie.
Lost (Classic) (1 p.m.): With “The Man Behind The Curtain,” the men behind the Lost (Classic) coverage—Myles McNutt and Noel Murray—get a healthy dose of Ben Linus flashbacks for their time. Michael Emerson was actually nominated for an Emmy for this episode and possibly could have won if it the episode had delved into Ben’s thoughts on Nikki and Paulo.
500 Questions (ABC, 8 p.m.): Are you watching this show? What about The Briefcase? What would the Bronsons/Bergins say?
Young & Hungry (ABC Family, 8 p.m): In the second season spring finale, “Young & Part Two,” “Gabi gets a tempting offer to apply for a top internship in Switzerland, and she considers quitting her job to take the risk.” More like young and threatening the show’s entire premise, huh?
Full Circle (DirecTV, 8 p.m): The second season of everyone’s third or fourth most talked about DirecTV show, Full Circle, ends tonight with “Bud And Jimmy.” That’s Stacy Keach and Terry O’Quinn, for those playing at home.
MasterChef (Fox, 8 p.m): In “You’re The Apple Of My Eye,” MasterChef goes Hannibal. Probably. How do you not go cannibalism with that title, MasterChef? Don’t boo us. You should be booing yourself.
Queens Of Drama (Pop, 8 p.m): “Hunter discovers a harsh comment re-tweeted by Lindsay.”
Unusually Thicke (Pop, 8:30 p.m): “Tanya considers having a baby.” Shouldn’t she, um, include Alan in that consideration? Or would that then make this show Usually Thicke?
Bullseye (Fox, 9 p.m): Sorry, guys. This isn’t Fox’s attempt to best Netflix with a summer series about Colin Farrell’s Bullseye. (We didn’t say it would be a good attempt.) Instead Bullseye is a competition—hold your shock and applause—where “four men and four women compete in a series of extreme physical challenges in which they literally aim themselves at the target for a $50,000 prize.” Golden age of television ain’t dead.
IHeartRadio Country Festival (NBC, 9 p.m): NBC missed the boat on new briefcase-related reality series, so instead it has to deal with another IHeartRadio special.
Celebrity Wife Swap (ABC, 10 p.m): Continuing ABC’s habit of calling everyone a “celebrity” or a “star,” this wife swap is between Verne Troyer and Hines Ward. Also continuing ABC’s habit of just giving things names without putting any real thought to it, Verne Troyer’s “wife” is actually his girlfriend. If it weren’t clear before, network television really is a wasteland right now.
Ripper Street (BBC America, 10 p.m): In this week’s Ripper Street, “a gang of youths unleash hell in the streets and a body is found stuffed inside a barrel.” Oh no! Not youths!
Mail Order Murder (Investigation Discovery, 10 p.m): Mail Order Murder is back with a second season, y’all! First up, in “The Courthouse Killing,” “a married couple becomes distant, leaving one of them in grave danger.” That sounds spooky! Then, in “The Deadly Marriage Scam” (that’s to the point), “a man goes to extreme measures to give his love the wedding of her dreams.” The wedding of her dreams probably isn’t death, but what do we know?!
Little Women: NY (Lifetime, 10 p.m): “Season 1 ends with tension escalating between Misty and the rest of the group.” We’re willing to bet season one began and continued with that too.
Hot In Cleveland (TV Land, 10 p.m): “Hot Damn!” is “the show’s memorable moments, episodes and bloopers.” If you’re not a big fan of Hot In Cleveland but like seeing people’s mistakes on full display, this is one way to kill 30 minutes tonight.
The Soul Man (TV Land, 10:30 p.m): In the one-hour (meaning two episodes) fourth season finale of The Soul Man, Boyce finds himself attending a seminar to make sure his brother Stamps isn’t being scammed and later appears to be seriously ungrateful as the parishioners attempt to celebrate his anniversary as a pastor. In both of these episodes Lolli has to work damage control, because that’s what she does.
Instant Mom (TV Land, 11:30 p.m): At this point, an important question needs to be asked: Does TV Land’s target demographic even stay up this long to watch these shows? 10 p.m was already pushing it for Hot In Cleveland, but by 11:30, how can they even keep their eyes open to fully grasp the plot of the Instant Mom episode, “Don’t Worry Be Maggie.” “Stephanie worries that she’s becoming like Maggie when she hears that Gabby wants a tattoo, but then her efforts to act differently than Maggie go too far.” It’s a classic Stephanie/Maggie situation, and it’s all the way at 11:30 p.m.
The Bachelor (Encore Family, 8:40 p.m.): It turns out when it comes to family, Encore’s brand is a lot like ABC Family’s. That’s the only thing that can explain the playing of the Chris O’Donnell’s The Bachelor, a movie about all the women Dick Grayson bedded and how they’re all crazy. At least they weren’t his students, ABC Family. By the way, TV Guide Guy strikes again: “Formula-riddled script, for diehard romantics only.”
Soccer: Toronto FC vs. Manchester City (ESPN2, 7 p.m.)
MLB Baseball: Marlins at Pirates (Fox Sports Network, 8 p.m.)
Stanley Cup Playoff: Game 6: Ducks at Blackhawks (NBC Sports, 8 p.m.)
NBA Playoff: Game 5: Rockets and Warriors (ESPN, 9 p.m.)
Lucha Underground (El Rey, 8 p.m.)
Finding Carter: Joshua Alston watched The Briefcase. You owe him this one.