California theme parks are re-opening and they want guests to keep their mouths shut. Good luck with that.

By Britt Hayes | March 17, 2021 | 4:39pm

Aux Features Universal Studios

California theme parks are re-opening and they want guests to keep their mouths shut. Good luck with that.

Photo: Christopher Furlong

The theme parks are re-opening in California, which recently changed its guidelines to allow for parks such as Disneyland and Universal Studios to begin accepting visitors as soon as April 1, with numerous safety restrictions in place. And while re-opening the parks at all right now still seems like a pretty kooky idea, LAist reports that the California Attraction And Parks Association has outlined a safety plan that includes such precautions as “mitigating the effects of shouting” on rides. That’s right: It’s time to bring back “scream inside your heart.” Last summer, the Fuji-Q Highland amusement park in Japan issued this haunting instruction to visitors in an effort to curb the spread of COVID-19. As anyone familiar with 2020 will tell you, screaming inside your heart is actually not very hard, but that’s not really the energy you want to take with you on a roller coaster (a point unwittingly proven by the park in its video of two masked employees silently riding a roller coaster).

Obviously it’s impossible to police what a person’s mouth does on a roller coaster. But the CAPA is implementing several other guidelines to create a safe environment, and if these theme parks have to be open and people have to visit them, at least some effort is being made? Parks are limiting capacity to 15 percent, requiring face masks to be worn at all times except in designated eating and drinking areas, and implementing spaced seating on rides and attractions. In addition, parks will only be open to California residents for the time being, and are requiring that guests attend in small groups with a maximum of 10 people per group or household, and that they remain in these groups for the duration of their visit. Honestly, sounds like a real blast. Can’t wait to get back out there.