Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Childrens Hospital: "Nip/Tug"

Illustration for article titled Childrens Hospital: "Nip/Tug"

The recurring Childrens Hospital gag that the show is set in Brazil when there's absolutely no evidence suggesting that is one of its finest, and this week they took it to a whole new level by shooting a completely unnecessary, boring dialogue scene between Owen and Glenn in Rio de Janeiro including a side-splitting, attention-drawing helicopter shot of the city that zooms in to focus on the two guys in scrubs walking down a street in Rio. In case we didn't get the point, after the guys get their churros, we pan over to the Christ the Redeemer statue in the final wink to the audience. Now, you could protest that by putting the show actually in Brazil for a scene, it kind of ruins the gag of it obviously being shot in Southern California. But considering how over-the-top the scene was in showing off the location shooting, it was even more obvious the show's never in Brazil, so the whole brazen affair really worked for me.


I was glad to be distracted since I spent the whole episode racking my brains to remember who the hell that was playing Tug Spano, the pediatric plastic surgeon (who's done great work transforming kids into Zach Galifanakis and Sarah Hyland among others). I finally realized that it was Seth Morris, who I know best as Bob Ducca from the Comedy Death Ray (now Bang Bang) podcast and used to play another character back in the first season. Obviously, he was hilarious as Tug, especially with his confusing wordplay ("time for the Tug slug to slither down the road") and the irresistible effect he had on women. I wish we had more of Cat's attraction to him, because the look on Lake Bell's face was just too funny.

Plus, we could have done without Blake's little rape subplot, which referred back to Valerie taking advantage of him in season 2, something I had forgotten about. It's sort of weird when Childrens Hospital does stuff like that, since there rarely is anything resembling a narrative arc on this show. Malin Akerman's dressing-down of Blake was great, and the Chief's dismissal of women raping men was pretty funny, but on the whole it didn't really register.

But having Owen and Glenn just walk around spouting nonsense at each other is always a great way to spend fifteen minutes. Rob Huebel and Ken Marino strike that perfect tone of super-serious talk, spoken so close to each other's faces, it's like they're about to make out. They can barely finish a scene without some hilarious tag line like "wow, are cigarillos cool again?" The thing with Dr. Max Von Sydow (John Ross Bowie) mixing up all the babies was worthwhile for the brief guest appearance by Francois Chau (Pierre Chang from Lost) if nothing else. You gotta figure they cast him just to ask him questions about that show.

Stray observations:

"Your son has brain stem syndrome…it's more of a disease than a syndrome."

"My point is, you are so much hotter than Bruce Willis."

"He's good." "No. He's gooder."

Tug's yoga technique is great. "And THAT is how I would have sex with you."

"By moves, I mean I will be putting my fantastic penis in them."

"Maybe your wife blasted a Chinaman, not my problem."

"Let's get back to the hospital, which is in Brazil."

"Generally, if it happens on Spring Break, it's not considered rape."

"I ordered a meatball sub and you gave me an eskimo kid." "People, people, please. Shut up."

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a meatball sub to eat. Need some chips, need some chips, excuse me-"

Owen and Glenn talk about Tug getting "a certain sexually transmitted something to a certain penis on your groin."


"If there's one thing I've learned from all this, it's that doing unnecessary plastic surgery on kids gets you crazy laid!"

"Plus, I don't have a medical degree."