Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Contrary to popular belief, The Bridge is not actually about bridges in love

Illustration for article titled Contrary to popular belief, The Bridge is not actually about bridges in love

Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Wednesday, July 10. All times are Eastern.


The Bridge (FX, 10 p.m.): We’ve been waiting our whole lives for a dark, gritty cable series about the secret lives of bridges, and FX has not let us down, casting Diane Kruger and Demián Bichir as two bridges who buck the odds against them to find a place where they won’t have to groan under the strain of all that traffic! Todd VanDerWerff wants to believe that two bridges can find the way forward, into the night together, and he’ll be turning over this tale of romance and load-bearing elements to Molly Eichel, who hesitates to let him know it’s actually a murder mystery set on the U.S./Mexican border.

Arrested Development (Netflix, 11 a.m.): After taking a week off to celebrate our country’s independence, Noel Murray and Erik Adams return with thoughts on the 11th and 12th episodes of the fourth season—and the return engagement of GOB and the first headlining gig by Maeby Funke.

MasterChef (Fox, 8 p.m.): Eva Longoria pops up for a mystery box challenge, because why not? Remember the halcyon days of 2005, when an Eva Longoria appearance on your reality show would have been big news? Phil Dyess-Nugent does, and he still hates that she wouldn’t appear on Phil’s Town.

Futurama (Comedy Central, 10 p.m.): Bender’s endless array of occupations continues with his latest, an assumedly earnest attempt at firefighting. Will Bender cause catastrophe, only to realize what really matters in the end? Zack Handlen is all but certain that any redemption he has will be inadvertent.

Freaks And Geeks (1 p.m.): When a pretty transfer student shows up at McKinley, the Geeks decide it’s time to try their hand at the fine art of romance… or maybe just of making friends with a pretty girl. Todd VanDerWerff once tried to make friends with a pretty girl, and then his wife sawed off his left arm.


Sports Night (3 p.m.): “Dana is conflicted after she inherits an antique Revolutionary War gun,” says the Wikipedia summary for one of this week’s episodes. Donna Bowman has only recently inherited her own Revolutionary War weaponry, but she’s learned all about the uncontested joy of hunting with a musket.

Family Tools (ABC, 8:30 p.m.): Oh, Family Tools. Your life was so short but so, so sweet. We will miss your charming laugh, the way you made us smile, and that time J.K. Simmons tickled our feet with a feather to give us pleasant dreams. But you have been taken from us, an angel before its time.


The American Baking Competition (CBS, 9 p.m.): Shut up. Todd VanDerWerff likes this show, and if he can drag himself home from seeing a movie, he might review the finale of it, just to prove to you how little taste he has in reality shows. “Reality shows?!” scoff the readers. “How about all television?!”

Camp (NBC, 10 p.m.): NBC presents its big drama of the summer, a series that presents the goings on at a “family summer camp,” because that’s a thing that exists. No, don’t Google it. We’re sure it exists. We’re just being ignorant because it suits us. Carrie Raisler runs her own family summer camp each July.


The Real World/Road Rules Challenge (MTV, 10 p.m.): For the 24th season, former occupants of the Real World house and the Road Rules RV—and that show hasn’t been on in ages—face off in a series of challenges in a show that’s simply been renamed The Challenge. And, oh yes. We’re writing it up.

13 Going On 30 (FX Movies, 8 p.m.): No, this isn’t a really weird spinoff about Liesl’s boyfriend from The Sound Of Music inventing a time machine and traveling back to warn his 13-year-old self about the doom the Nazis will face. It’s about Jennifer Garner performing slapstick comedy. So, also pretty good.


Grease (AMC, 8 p.m.): Why do we even need Grease when we already have the Grease Megamix? It condenses everything you enjoy about the movie into under five minutes of frenetic, dance-heavy fun! Call your local e-tailer and take advantage of the Grease Megamix today! Operators are standing by!

MLB Baseball: Athletics at Pirates (ESPN, 7 p.m.): Those lovable Pittsburgh Pirates have the best record in all of baseball-dom by a fair amount, and it’s still not enough for them to be crushing everyone in their division because their division is crazy stacked. Maybe interleague play will help them out a touch.


Orange Is The New Black (Thursday): This debuts tomorrow, but Todd VanDerWerff watched six episodes already and has the hook-up for you on what he thinks of it. Spoilers: He’s ready to check into a women’s prison himself! He hears the food is absolutely delicious and the accommodations lovely.