Dear god, an American version of Eurovision is finally in the works

An American version of the Eurovision Song Contest has been floated for years now, tapping into humanity’s collective obsession with music, bafflingly fierce regional pride, and near-criminal shortages of shame. The American Song Contest would apparently apply a state-by-state approach to the contest’s model, which sees participant countries pick a single three-minute-or-less song to represent their goofiest, most Lycra-clad citizens, then yell at each other over the voting until one country finally wins. (The losing country is then chopped off of the continent, towed out into the middle of the Atlantic, and stricken from the history books; R.I.P. Smordanskia.)

And if you find yourself processing this news and wondering “Why, dear god, would you introduce this kind of regional divisiveness into the American gene pool right now?” well, check the ratings: Eurovision is regularly one of the most-watched non-sports television event in Europe, combining goofball spectacle with the chance of seeing another ABBA or Celine Dion (who won in 1998 for Switzerland, somehow) take flight.

The American Song Contest is being helmed by Swedish production company Brain Academy, under the auspices of the Europoean Broadcast Union. No American network has been announced yet as the program’s host.