Disney? You're Soaking In It

Identifying Disney apparel or products is usually very easy: just look for the Walt Disney's Frozen Head Seal Of Approval. Actually, if a product features a Disney character, then it was either made by Disney or is currently being sued by Disney. But according to today's NY Times, Disney is now trying to trick wealthy people into buying Disney products by obscuring the Disney brand. Can you imagine?!

Lindsay Bern, a makeup artist for Smashbox Cosmetics, was so delighted with a lavender and silver tote bag that she received as a gift from a friend that she started using it immediately. Then, while on an airplane, a flight attendant commented on her "Alice in Wonderland" bag. "I thought she was crazy until I started looking at it more closely, and, sure enough, there was a subtle Alice hiding in the design," Ms. Bern said.

The Disney brand, of course, is one of the most powerful in the world. It connotes quality and creativity, but also carries a strong whiff of mass culture – which can turn the noses of fashionistas skyward. It is difficult for many upscale customers and boutiques to take Disney seriously. Of her bag, Ms. Bern said, "I'll admit it: I liked it better when I didn't know it was from Disney."

Carrying around an Alice In Wonderland bag? Dear God, how mortifying. I'm surprised Ms. Bern didn't simply die of embarrassment right there on that airplane, amongst the lowly, Disney-buying flight attendants. Really, it's a miracle that she lived to tell the tale of Disney's insidious handbag deception.

Looking over some of the items for sale in Disney's new upscale jewelry, clothing, bridal, and furniture lines, it's easy to see how a savvy consumer like Ms. Bern could be duped. Clearly, we're in need of a primer on how to identify the new Disney Couture products, lest something so hideous happen again.

How To Identify A Disney Product:

1. Ask yourself, "Is this the ugliest thing I've ever seen?" If the answer is "Ugh. Yes." It's probably Disney.

2. If the item isn't ugly, but rather looks like a something that Walt Disney would be comfortable sitting on and contemplating cryogenics, and/or fainting onto after realizing Mickey Mouse could not be cryogenically frozen along with him, then it's probably Disney:

3. Is it a generic wedding gown that's hideously overpriced and looks like it was photographed inside a Prince video? Then, guess what? It's Disney.

4. If you wore it in public, would the sight of you inspire a mixture of laughter and pity? Then it's Disney.

5. Is it a cheap-looking gold necklace featuring what looks like Tinkerbell pooping a pearl? Surprisingly, yep, that's Disney.