Producers of the CBS legal drama The Good Wife want former Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld to appear as himself on the show, following in the footsteps of other real-world cameos such as Lou Dobbs and Vernon Jordan. Unfortunately for fans of metafiction and stilted line readings, Rumsfeld has already balked at the offer, because the episode would find him appearing as a witness in a lawsuit arguing for the effectiveness of wartime interrogation techniques like waterboarding—an idea which Rumsfeld’s team recognizes most people would not “take kindly to,” considering. Although, he would apparently be open to doing the show if the subject matter were different. Perhaps Rumsfeld could play a philosophy professor weighing in on the epistemological quandary of the “unknown unknowns”?