Last night, the world ooh’d, ah’d, and lol’d when Elon Musk debuted the Cybertruck, his PS1-looking-ass Tesla pickup. There’s plenty to be impressed by; Musk says the truck can go from 0 to 60 mph in 2.9 seconds, and that it boasts a payload capacity of 3,500 pounds. How is one supposed to process that, though, when all we can think about is Total Recall?
“You want a truck that’s really tough. Not fake tough,” Musk says, finally cutting through the “Howdy, Quaid” echoing throughout our brains.
But then the “bulletproof” glass caves in after some hunk chucks a metal ball at it, and, well, we’ll see you at the party, Richter.
“Oh my fucking god,” Musk declares, crestfallen, and the quarterback is toast. The subsequent awkwardness has some real “science fair project didn’t work in front of the judges” vibes. “It didn’t go through. That’s a plus side,” Musk says of the hand-thrown metal ball that was not a bullet fired from a gun.
It’s all made funnier by the Silicon slickness of the L.A. event: the dramatic lighting, tight black tees, and tattoo sleeves. There’s also the truck’s $39,900 price tag, which has scored more than a few online snickers.
But there’s almost a level of awe to just how much the Cybertruck’s hard geometric curves evoke the soulless polygonal graphics of fifth-generation gaming. One worries it’ll start glitching the moment you drive next to a wall.
Is the future we envisioned decades ago finally coming to pass? Are memory implants and colonies on Mars next? Watch the below supercut and decide for yourself.
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