Apologies to anyone anxiously waiting another weekly installment of mocking and misery, but unfortunately I need to put the full-length version of Friday Buzzkills on a brief hiatus while I tend to Austin's increasingly imminent Decider duties. I promise once our ship is fully righted I'll be right back here, mining the same old inconsequential crap for cheap laughs and putting it into my signature purple prose. In the meantime, however, please accept the cold comfort of this condensed "digest." Let's get quippy!
– Hollywood hates conservatives! Take it from An American Carol actor Kelsey Grammer, who has seen makeup trailers "sporting signs warning Republicans to keep out"! Why, it's just like segregation out there!
– Even fake Republicans aren't safe—like this news anchor who was brutally beaten, stabbed, and left for dead after playing a thinly veiled version of Ann Coulter in W.! Be careful out there, Stephen Colbert!
– And yet, Bill O'Reilly just signed a contract giving him four more years to invite people he disagrees with onto his show so he can cut their mics and yell at them! (By the way, that's called "winning an argument"!)