Get ironic metal up your ass with the Urban Outfitters Metallica collection

By Sean O'Neal | March 10, 2017 | 5:34pm

Aux Features Music

Like classic rock and punk before it, metal has become a fashion accessory, as today’s young celebrities and the sorority girls who mimic them—who all might have rocked pre-faded Ramones shirts just a few years ago—are now wearing vintage Judas Priest and Testament T-shirts, scavenged from the acne-ridden back of that guy in your junior high who tried setting his locker on fire and was never seen again. Justin Bieber, Kanye West, and Rihanna all adopted metal as an “aesthetic” several years ago, which means it’s right on time for the trend to wash up in Urban Outfitters, where you can now shop an exclusive, officially licensed line of Metallica clothing without ever having to get anywhere near one of the band’s concerts. They’re so loud!

Featuring a limited range of items from hoodies to beanies to tees that all scream, “I like to fucking rock in a vaguely defined manner,” the “Metallica For Urban Outfitters” collection was created partially in collaboration with veteran metal/hardcore artist Pushead. Most of the shirts, which come adorned with grinning skulls and shouting James Hetfields, boast a bold, all-over tie-dye print that (as with everything else on Urban Outfitters) will look absolutely terrible on anyone who’s actually old enough to have listened to Metallica in its heyday, thus weeding out the fat and dying. “Kill ‘Em All,” to quote a pretty cool T-shirt.