The internet loves its gods; mere mortals who, through a combination of shared goodwill, savvy, and genuine talent, manage to elevate themselves to some sort of upper pantheon of online greatness. Among them, few are as relentless as Jeff Goldblum, a man whose every acting choice, gesture, and interaction these days seems tailor-made to feed our perceptions of what Jeff Goldblum should be like. (Or maybe he really is just that great.) Now, one of these larger-than-life-but-exactly-the-size-of-meme figures has collided with another, as we regret (are delighted? Terrified?) to inform you that Goldblum and Chuck Tingle have now come into contact with each other.
For those somehow unfamiliar with Tingle, he’s the extremely prolific author of a long series of internet erotica novels that mostly focus on dinosaurs, Bigfoots, and various pop culture obsessions variously falling in love or pounding each other in the butt. (Recent titles include, “Seduced By The Handsome Physically Manifested Sound That Some People Hear As Yanny And Others Hear As Laurel,” “Taken Hotly By My Handsome Physically Manifested Hot Take,” and “The Butt Files: The Case of Bigfoot’s Wiener.”) Depending on who you believe, “Dr. Tingle” is either a man living with autism under the care of his son somewhere in Montana, a group of comedians writing absurdist literature under an assumed name, or an advanced artificial intelligence pretending to be some combination of the other two options. In any case, he’s a source of great joy for many followers of weird online comedy, and now he’s asked Jeff Goldblum about dinosaurs.
It happened while Goldblum was in the middle of a Reddit AMA, promoting his new film, Hotel Artemis. The AMA itself was pretty standard for a modern-day Goldblum performance—i.e., a little light on actual content, but so damn charming you don’t notice until hours afterward—when the question from Tingle came in:
hello HANDSOME JEFFS i am dr chuck tingle worlds greatest author of dinosaur stories you are HANDSOME JEFFS worlds greatest actor of dinosaur movies. i think it would be nice if we worked on a big time show to PROVE LOVE IS REAL BETWEEN MAN AND DINOSAUR i am open to this discussion.
now i will ask what you think the most handsome dinosaur is? Lawyer Dinosaur, Bad Boy Biker Dinosaur, or Handsome Doctor Dinosaur?
For what it’s worth, the Tingle account appears to be as real as anything in the nebulous world of the Tingleverse can be; at least, it’s the same one “he” used for an AMA of his own recently, and the Chuck Tingle Twitter account tweeted out a screenshot of Goldblum’s response. (In case you were wondering, he picked Handsome Doctor Dinosaur, obviously, because “handsome” is already right there in the name.)
Now, we’re not saying that this meeting of the minds between the “worlds greatest author of dinosaur stories” and the “worlds greatest actor of dinosaur movies” will definitely, unquestionably lead to Goldblum starring in some sort of cinematic adaptation of Tingle’s many, many works. (Although we can see him doing some great work as either star of “There’s A Bitcoin In My Butt And He Is Handsome.”) That being said, both men seem largely guided in life by a 50/50 split between What The Internet Wants and what they, themselves, find amusing, so we’re also not saying that’s not going to happen, either.
