Grown-Ups Is Somehow A Real Movie

By Amelie Gillette | November 16, 2009 | 6:20pm

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Adam Sandler surveys the room. At a long table sit some of his best friends in comedy: David Spade, Kevin James, Chris Rock, and Rob Schneider—who, as always, came with a crate of autographed The Animal DVDs "just in case." Looking at them, Sandler brightens. He feels a dull ache deep in his left knee. This can only mean one of two things: Either it's gonna rain this afternoon, or his body is physically reacting to the energy of all the comedic talent in the room. Sandler knows it's a sure sign that this movie is gonna be amazing.

"Guys, thanks so much for being here," Sandler begins. "I know we can make a really funny movie about five aging friends meeting up for a 4th Of July reunion if we try."

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"Try?" Kevin James asks. "Why would we try?"

"Trying does sound like a lot of work, Sandman," David Spade says. "I try to never try."

"I try TOO MUCH!!" Rob Schneider says, hopping up on the table. "Look! It eeze le cirque du soliel!" Schneider does a somersault to the other end of the table, then lays on his stomach, arches back to hold his feet with his hands, and rocks back and forth. "Wagon wheel! Wagon wheel!" he shouts.

Sandler, long-ago conditioned to ignore Schneider's antics, presses forward, "What about you, Chris? You're funny. Don't you want this movie to be funny?"

"I just want this movie to give me enough money to make something I actually give a shit about," Chris replies. "Like, say, Good Hair 2: Better Hair."

Kevin James pipes in, "It's not that we don't want to be funny, Adam, it's just, eh, whatever. Can't I just fall down a lot?"

"Ha. I love it when Kev falls down," Spade laughs. "It's cool, just like those cool Direct TV commercials."

"I'm tired," says Rob Schnieder, now curled up in a ball under the table.

"Hmm. I guess you're right, guys," Sandler says. "I just wrote 'Grown-Ups jokes: Kevin James falls down.' That's all we need. Let's all go take naps—we deserve it."

Later that afternoon, it rains.

Obviously, the best part of this trailer—and possibly of Grown Ups in general—is the last scene, where all five aging comedians are sitting on a porch fishing and laughing. What are they laughing at, exactly? A fart noise that has yet to be added in? The memory of Kevin James' spectacular hilari-fall? Or are they laughing at the fact that they got away with not having a joke at all in this scene? It's almost as if they're saying to us, "Look, we're all here. Our mere presence in one place on film is enough for a comedy, okay? Just laugh, suckers."