A lot of things happened over the weekend. Here are my judgments: ––Sometime over the weekend, Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin had a baby boy. The child, named Moses, was removed from Paltrow by C-section, then placed in a basket and sent down the river to meet its destiny. Judgment: It's too late for Apple, but in choosing a slightly less asinine name, it seems that someone has finally decided to listen to Peaches Honeyblossom Geldof. ––At a private Coldplay concert over the weekend, Chris Martin came up with an impromptu song about Mariah Carey's boobs: "Mariah Carey's boobs are so nice and she doesn't mess around/If she had been aboard the Titanic, there's no way that ship would have gone down." Judgment: Chris Martin's musical genius knows no bounds. ––On Sunday, hundreds of mimes rallyed in Washington Square Park for the "Silent Mime March," which was some dumb marketing thing by Virgin Mobile to get people to use text messaging. To quote the press release: "As the mimes take to the streets, they are demonstrating the power of wireless text messaging to bridge the gap between man and mime."

Judgment: To sum up: hundreds of mimes ruining a nice sunday afternoon = use more text messaging. I never studied marketing, but that is stupid. Virgin Mobile is too. —On Saturday, I was perusing the Paper magazine blog, as I am wont to do, and found this old anti-anti-smoking PSA by John Waters. It's pretty funny.

Judgment: John Waters should permanently replace those dancing refreshments at all movie theaters as soon as possible.