Hard limits

Let’s review the facts: Your boyfriend digs your tits, cuddling you makes him hard, and he loves eating your pussy. You also discovered an ad your boyfriend posted to Craigslist where he said he wasn’t sure if he was bi or straight, a discovery that created a crisis in your relationship, a crisis that was resolved with a strap-on dildo and a diamond bracelet.

Your boyfriend isn’t “secretly gay,” CAC, he’s “actually bisexual.” You know, like he said he was—or said he might be (but totally is)—in that email exchange you found.

At this point, I’m required to tell you that bisexuals are just as capable of honoring monogamous commitments as monosexuals, i.e., gays, lesbians, and breeders. But since the data shows that monosexuals are bad at monogamy—the data says bisexuals are too—I’m not sure why I’m required to say that or how it’s supposed to be comforting. But even if your boyfriend never has sex with a man, CAC, even if it takes him years to drop the “totally straight” line, you should go ahead and accept the fact that your boyfriend is bisexual. Pretend to be shocked when he finally comes out to you—there might be a necklace in it for you—and then get busy setting up your first MMF threesome.

Divorce courts are filled to bursting with couples who made the same mistake you and your girlfriend are currently making—a mistake that gets harder to unmake with every dog you adopt or lease you sign. You’re not sexually compatible, NAWT—and sexual incompatibility is a perfectly legitimate reason to end an otherwise good relationship. The importance of sexual compatibility in sexually exclusive relationships (the kind your girlfriend wants) cannot be stressed enough. Sexual compatibility is important in open and/or monogamish relationships too, of course, but there are work-arounds in an open relationship.

The gaslight bar is set so low these days that I’m going to go ahead and accuse your girlfriend of gaslighting you: There are people out there who have the kind of relationship you would like to have—it’s a lie that no one has a GGG partner or a successful monogamish relationship—and I have it on good authority that many of these people are straight. You’ll never find everything you want, NAWT, since no one gets everything they want. But you’re too young to settle for the girlfriend you’ve got.

You’ve already made the dog mistake. Get out before you make the child mistake.