William Shatner, actor, punk aficionado, and brain model for the world’s first SJW-hating artificial intelligence, is now set to become the oldest person to ever visit space. At 90, and despite having spent many years hanging out on much more impressive spacecraft, Shatner is going to board one of Jeff Bezos’ dick-rockets and fly away from Earth, oldly going where no man has gone before.
According to the Associated Press, Shatner is planning to depart our humble blue marble on Tuesday, October 12th. Even though his trip will, like all of these massively expensive thrill rides, last only 10 minutes “and reach no higher than about 66 miles,” he’ll become the oldest person to ever visit space by sitting through the whole thing. If successful, Shatner will neatly destroy a record set only a few months back by 82-year-old whippersnapper Wally Funk. (Not only is poor Funk about to lose the title; she also had to hitch a ride with Bezos himself to earn it in the first place.)
Shatner will embark on his suborbital trek from West Texas and will be joined by “a former NASA engineer who founded a nanosatellite company[,] the co-founder of a software company specializing in clinical research[,] and a Blue Origin employee.”
In a funnier version of his usual shitposts, Shatner released a statement that begins, I’ve heard about space for a long time now.” He goes on to say he’s now “taking the opportunity to see it for myself” and calls his upcoming trip “a miracle.”
We only hope he’s been fully informed of what he’s likely to experience during the trip and doesn’t come back down to Earth saddened that no sexy green aliens teleported into his rocket to help celebrate the big day.
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