Herbie: Fully Loaded

After an opening-credits montage that details Herbie's improbable accomplishmentsâ€"which involved going to Monte Carlo, going bananas, and riding againâ€"this benevolent Christine gets towed into the junkyard that will be his final resting place. But the scrappy Volkswagen gets a second chance when Michael Keaton, leader of a dying family racing legacy, buys him as a halfhearted graduation present for his daughter Lohan. Lohan used to be a dominant street racer, but after an accident shook her confidence, she gave up the track for an internship at ESPN. Initially put off by Herbie's antics, Lohan and her mechanic friend Justin Long take notice of the car's special powers and fix him up for a challenge match against arrogant NASCAR champion Matt Dillon. Yet taking the prize isn't enough for Herbie, who's used to not just winning, but winning in the wackiest way possible.

In reviving the beloved Disney property, Robinson attempts to resuscitate the fast-motion shots and sub-Three Stooges physical comedy of classic Herbie, but the new model seems distantly related to the innocent, peppy little car of old. Those adorable headlight eyes may be disarming, but in Fully Loaded, Herbie comes off as faintly villainous, a passive-aggressive control freak hell-bent on avenging anyone who wrongs him. The movie seems perfectly timed to capitalize on Danica Patrick's historic showing at the Indy 500, but Fully Loaded couldn't be less empowering to women: Since the car is in control, Lohan basically has no power over her destiny. The message to little girls couldn't be clearer: It may seem like you're behind the wheel, but somebody else is driving.