Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Holy moly, the promos for this year's Shark Week are getting intense

Illustration for article titled Holy moly, the promos for this year's Shark Week are getting intense
Screenshot: YouTube / The Malibu Artist (Fair Use)

Everybody loves a good Shark Week. In fact, we’d go so far as to say that Shark Week could—nay, should—become a national holiday (just ask Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer). But the whole beauty of Shark Week is the fact that we all get to watch the titular, toothy fish from the comfort and safety of our couches. We don’t actually need to swim out into the salty abyss and tempt fate next to a bunch of apex predators in their literal and figurative element.

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So... why in the living hell do the people in this drone footage courtesy of a YouTuber going by the Malibu Artist seem totally cool with straight-up chasing and/or teasing actual great white sharks?

After informing us that a bunch of dumbasses are apparently “trying to catch [great] white sharks” with giant fish hooks, as evidenced by the lures lodged in their maws, the video uploader reminds us in the deadpan delivery of year that, “sharks with hooks in their mouths... can easily become agitated sharks.” Yeah. No shit. You don’t need to tell us twice. And yet...

Why do the two paddle boarders at the 3:36" mark think it’s totally fine to follow a juvenile shark into the nearby shallows? What could possess the two children a few minutes later to boogie board even closer to another—and we cannot stress this enough—great white goddamn shark.

“As a parent, would you want paddle boarders chasing sharks into the shallows?” the narrator asks, giving his previous deadpan delivery a run for its money.

Alright. It pains us to say this but... maybe we should take a Shark Week off this year? Y’know, let the love and curiosity simmer down a bit, at least before these jabronis wind up on 2022 Shark Week’s episode of Most Preventable Shark Bites Ever.

[via Digg]

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Andrew Paul is a contributing writer with work recently featured by NBC Think, GQ, Slate, Rolling Stone, and McSweeney's Internet Tendency. He writes the newsletter, (((Echo Chamber))).