Look, there’s no shortage of great trailers for bad movies—or, at the very least, misleading trailers for pretty good movies, like the one for Predators, which promised all those Predator crosshairs and didn’t deliver. But until we’re told otherwise or see it for ourselves, Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe: Origins still looks kind of sick.
Now, hold your horses. We can already see the comments section flaring up with anger at the idea that we would praise a movie that features the word “Origins” in the subtitle. That title is reason enough to pinch your nose, wave your hand in front of your face, and say, “Pee-you.” But here’s the thing, Snake Eyes looks like it delivers on the action, and not just the brand of floating aircraft carriers and unconvincing clouds of dust and smoke that’s all the rage these days. Snake Eyes’ trailer, on the other hand, has honest-to-goodness, hand-to-hand, and sword-to-sword combat. In an action movie landscape where the stunts are essentially cartoons, it’s nice to see actual fight choreography. Plus, it seems like this movie is bringing a lot of ninjas to the party, which, to quote Borat, is very nice.
As for the plot, it looks serviceable. A brother, honor, a secret society hellbent on global revolution, yadda yadda yadda. A choice was made, a man was betrayed, a hero will rise. We’ve all been around this block many times. These are tired cliches, but no one is going to this late-to-the-game G.I. Joe prequel for the plot. Unless, of course, you’re one of those G.I. Joe heads that the producers of this film assume exist in the world. Indeed, they must, but there can’t be that many if this movie is coming nearly a decade after G.I. Joe: Retaliation, a film that grossed almost $400 million, which apparently wasn’t enough to spawn another sequel. Also, remember when Joseph Gordon-Levitt played Cobra Commander? That was wild.
There are plenty of reasons to still be concerned, though—as if anyone is really that concerned about the quality of Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe: Origins. (Life is short. Please don’t be that concerned with Snake Eyes). While very tall and charming in A Simple Favor, Henry Golding is a bit unproven as an action star, with Guy Richie’s The Gentlemen being the only genre movie to his name. Then again, his character’s name, “Snake Eyes,” is kind of doing the heavy lifting for him.
Will Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe: Origins actually earn all the colons in its ridiculous title? We’ll find out later this week when it’s released. In the meantime, here’s the final trailer, which has some quotes saying that the movie’s good.
Snake Eyes slithers into theaters this Friday, July 23, 2021.