Jennifer Aniston & Owen Wilson Would Prefer To Answer Only Happy Puppy Questions

By Amelie Gillette | December 8, 2008 | 8:03pm

Aux Features Hater

If you walk around with your eyes open, you're probably aware of the fact that Puppy!, aka Marley & Me, the Jennifer Aniston/Owen Wilson movie presumably about how adorable that puppy is opens in theaters soon. But you may not be aware that Jennifer Aniston and Owen Wilson made this movie for you, so can you just get off of their backs already? I mean, Jesus. Enough with the interest in them that they fuel in order to sell things like this movie, and the rampant consumption of the interviews and photo ops and magazine covers that they're seemingly more than happy to do. They just want to entertain you with a nice story about a nice dog, and you have to be all interested in the things they do and say and stuff. Uncool, man. Very uncool.

From USA Today:

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Q: How challenging is it promoting this big fun family movie when the public seems to be so curious about your own lives?

Aniston: I think it's ridiculous. There's just this insatiable need. I also haven't had a movie in a long time, so hopefully this is going to create something else to talk about and realize that I have a job, and I'm an actress.

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Wilson: This is the nice part. You get to talk about the work.

Aniston: I am honestly getting sick of it, and I feel like telling people, "You know what? It's none of your (expletive) business." Seriously, it's enough. It's like we're appealing to the lowest …

Wilson:… the worst in human nature.

Aniston: And this is at a time when we should be so inspired and excited with what's happening with the president. It's a time to be positive and join together. We're just trying to entertain you, man. Don't shoot the messenger.

Exactly, Jennifer Aniston. This is a happy time. We should all just sit around polishing our Obama dollars and being inspired. There's no need for treacly romantic comedies about dogs starring people who gush about personal things on Oprah and can't resist talking to Vogue and then are very angry they can't have things both ways. It's just sad that your inspirational "Stop being interested in me" message is buried in an interview with you, so people have to violate that message in order to receive it.

In conclusion: Stop looking at/listening to Jennifer Aniston. But go see Marley & Me.

Then there's this:

Q: And what about your dogs? Do they help you get through the difficult times?

(Wilson, who was hospitalized in 2007 after what police called a suicide attempt, walks out.)

Aniston: You're talking about the stupid stuff? Yes.

(When Wilson returns, the question is repeated.)

Aniston: They do help.

Wilson: Yeah. That sounded nice.

You might be inclined to infer, because USA Today said it very plainly, that Owen Wilson left the room because he thought "difficult times" was code for "your suicide attempt" and (to his credit) he doesn't want to talk about that to promote some stupid puppy movie (a serious drama about a man with mental illness searching for his missing daughter, set against the backdrop of the Three Mile Island disaster, maybe. We'll cross that bridge when we get to it). But then a few questions later, this happens:

Q: Jennifer, this is a big holiday release for you. You said at one point that you were wary of doing a dog movie. Why?

(Wilson walks out again.)

What, no suicide attempt reference this time? How will we know the made-up context for Owen Wilson's second walk-out if you don't tell us, USA Today? Why not "(Owen Wilson, who always wanted to be more like his brother Luke, walks out again.)" Or "(Owen Wilson, who probably secretly hates dogs, you can totally tell, walks out again.)"

To reflect reality, I think it should have read: "(Owen Wilson, who can't stomach another inane dog question and regrets doing a dog movie in the first place, walks out again.)"

But where were those judgmental, full-context parentheticals when Jennifer Aniston was blathering on about the public's "insatiable need" for news about her? There was a huge missed opportunity to write "Aniston (who is a total hypocrite all the time about this stuff): I think it's ridiculous."