Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Joe Francis Doesn't Care About Gay People

Noted sleaze-pile Joe Francis doesn't care about reporters, women, taxes, the law, basic human decency, or coherent Powerpoint defenses for tax evasion. But does Joe Francis care about gay people? Obviously, no. Of course he doesn't. The only two things Joe Francis cares about are Joe Francis, and the secret, hidden swimming pool filled with discarded and/or stolen bras he swims in every day to make himself feel whole (it never works).

But that won't stop Francis from pretending he cares about gay people as some kind of misguided positive PR stunt.


From The NY Post:

Joe Francis, insists his decision to join the gay rights march in DC had nothing to do with rehabilitating his troubled image — but all about civil rights. The "Girls Gone Wild" creator told us, "With the gay movement, it's personal. The same religious-right [bleep]holes who took away my civil rights and put me in jail for a year because they don't like what I do for a living have taken away gay rights. I know firsthand how it feels to have your civil rights stripped from you."

Aww. Poor Joe Francis! His struggle is exactly like the struggle for gay rights. Cause while gay people can't serve openly in the military, or adopt children in many states, or get married in most states, Joe Francis can't make money by swindling underage girls into taking off their tops without being hauled off to jail for prostitution and child abuse. It's, like, where is the justice for Joe Francis? Can't somebody commit a crime without everyone being like, "You committed a crime"? Doesn't everyone realize that one of the special, exclusive civil rights of Joe Francis is to violate the civil rights of other people without consequence? And to not pay taxes?

Just look at all the hardships he's suffered—through no fault of his own!

Illustration for article titled Joe Francis Doesn't Care About Gay People

If Joe Francis really cared about gay people, he wouldn't go anywhere near that march. Has any person, place, or cause benefitted from association with Joe Francis? No one wants the sleaze-pile endorsement.

Then there's this:

But proving that the leopard never really changes its spots, Francis added, "P.S., lots of lesbians marched, too." 


See? Joe Francis cares about gay people so much he's willing to treat them like he treats all human beings: like objects.