Last year, we reported on Burger King courting its Japanese customers with a pair of onyx burgers apparently birthed from the tentacled maw of Cthulhu. These “Kuro Burgers” owe their appearance to bamboo-coal-infused buns, squid-inked cheese, pepper-encrusted meat patties, and a potent astral force summoned by Onmyōji sorcerers:
Now, Business Insider is reporting that we may getting our own version time of the Kuro Burger, just in time for Halloween. For those of you eager to feast upon the Kuro, hoping to absorb its Lovecraftian powers, two important facts should temper your enthusiasm. First, the awkwardly named “HA.1.LOWEEN Whopper” is limiting its oily appearance to a dull, pumpernickel-hued bun, depriving you of the signature patty that one Gawker writer hailed as a “meat-flavored slab of pepper.” Second, this information is coming by way of Reddit user BKLeaks, with no official confirmation from Burger King. While it does seem like a peculiar hoax to hone in on, it wouldn’t be the boldest troll of the week.
If true, this could be a sad epilogue to the failed McWhopper bid. Burger King had seemingly left the business of creating Asian death-foods, and was intent on getting down with McDonald’s to make little Whopper McBabies in the name of world peace. But, perhaps embittered by a love unrequited, Burger King may have simply decided to turn back to necromancy, redoubling efforts to raise a grease-filled army of the dead, each quarter-pound soldier molded in the form of its own loveless, blackened heart.