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Pity the “song of the summer,” as the color fades from its hair and its joints begin to ache in these final days of its life. The smell of pumpkin-spice lattes on the air, it drifts toward eternity, to be remembered fondly as “that old jam” in years to come.

If the emotion isn’t too much, allow yourself to stare up at the memorial wall of the past 60 years of the songs of summer. Approach the towering monument, erected by the pallbearers at MetroLyrics, and press your ear to its cool stone to hear the tormented howling of dear, departed May-August hits reverberate through the ages and into your ears.


Tremble at 2011's “Party Rock Anthem” and 2009's “I Gotta Feeling.” Wipe away a sentimental tear for 2003's “Crazy In Love” and 1995's “Waterfalls.” Look askance at the baby boomers who gave so much power to Andy Gibb singles.

But don’t forget now, while the last warm breezes give way to the dead leaves of the coming winter, to prepare for the inevitable. In essence, R.I.P “Despacito,” you undeniably catchy garbage. We will remember you. Your name will echo forevermore through the halls of Valhalla (and VH1 specials yet to come).