Liam Neeson helpfully informs American parents that Taken is fiction

By Alex McLevy  |  January 6, 2015 | 7:59pm
Aux Features Film

Who can take anything ”big media” says as the truth anymore? Sure, they may tell you that the movies Hollywood makes aren’t real, but then again, they also said we were safe from Ebola, and now look at us! Ebola everywhere! That’s why some sensible Texas parents—more than 40 of them—refused to accept that their high school-age children could safely go on a field trip to Europe. They had seen Liam Neeson’s Taken films, and knew that every kid who lands in that godforsaken continent is just a hair’s breadth away from being kidnapped and sold into sex slavery.

So their teacher did what any reasonable educator would do: she stopped citing facts, statistics, and verifiable evidence, and instead went straight to the source, asking Neeson himself to step in and speak to the parents about what’s really going down in Europe. And Neeson had a surprisingly comforting answer. Turns out, this time, those crazy Hollywood liberals weren’t lying—there is no epidemic of American youths being kidnapped abroad and sold into sex slavery. Neeson told News.com.au that the teacher needed his help, and he offered her some support:

“These kids had never been outside the state and she was desperate to get some assurance but what I am doing is writing her a letter or a to-whom-it-may-concern letter that she can print out or send to these parents that this is a movie. The chance of your kids being taken in Europe is one in 20 million or something.”

That sounds more like 20 millions reasons to worry, right, parents? But Neeson seems awfully sure of himself: “I was shocked, I was just shocked… It’s fiction, I know stuff happens in life but the Taken movies are fiction.” So rest easy, Texas parents, your children are safe. Rest easy about this, that is; Neeson didn’t say a damn thing about Ebola.

 
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