Lindsay Lohan to host Saturday Night Live, because we're all ready to laugh about it again

Expertly timed to take advantage of her burgeoning third or fourth comeback, Lindsay Lohan will host Saturday Night Live on March 3 with musical guest Jack White (who, based on some recent collaborations expressly created just to fuck with you, is no doubt considering suggesting a duet). Lohan reportedly personally lobbied for this, her fourth SNL hosting gig, believing that the time was right to capitalize on a surge of public goodwill surrounding her finishing her assigned community service, instead of spitting Moët in the faces of homeless people, and, of course, the nation’s recent show of support by purchasing copies of her December Playboy pictorial, thus defying F. Scott Fitzgerald’s notion that there are no second acts in American lives, because he forgot about the encore where you get your tits out. Anyway, during previous Lohan appearances, plenty of jokes were made at the expense of Lohan’s tabloid-fueled image and the damage that drinking and partying could do to her. Fortunately she’s now proved all of that wrong by landing this hosting gig, so such laughs definitely won’t be uncomfortably hollow, so long as no one actually remembers things or looks at the screen.