Look, if you have to read about Donald Trump and a porn star, at least have Stephen Colbert read it to you

By Randall Colburn  |  January 18, 2018 | 5:59pm
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Donald Trump is calling impoverished countries “shitholes,” precipitating a possible government shutdown, giving awards to media outlets he deems “fake news,” and screaming about a book airing his dirty laundry, so you’d be forgiven for missing the bit about our president paying $130,000 in hush money to a porn star he slept with in the weeks after his youngest son was born. Of course, the saga of Donald Trump and adult film actress Stormy Daniels is just more “fake news” in the eyes of the Trump base, but an In Touch interview with Daniels from 2011, one confirmed by two sources and a polygraph test, says otherwise.

If you need a little bit of sugar to make this medicine go down, Stephen Colbert is here to pepper some jokes into the interview’s decidedly stomach-churning revelations. In addition to describing the sex as “textbook generic,” Daniels says she spent the encounter praying that Trump wouldn’t try to pay her. “Oh, Stormy, you don’t know Donald Trump at all,” Colbert says. “Not paying people is how he screws them.”

Colbert also finds amusement in Trump’s alleged wooing, which involved him eating dinner with Daniels in his hotel room while wearing sweatpants, and revulsion in the fact that our president apparently likened Daniels to his daughter post-coitus.

Now seems like a good time to crack open this ‘ol chestnut, eh?

“This is a real story,” Colbert mutters at one point in between jokes. Yes, it is, and it’s somehow the least impactful thing to have happened within the Trump camp in the last week. Think about that.

 
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