Mark Zuckerberg and his tech oligarch companions have pushed the term “Metaverse” around a lot lately, promising all sorts of “revolutionary” changes to come in the way we interact with each other and the world around us through a merging of the physical and the digital. And you know what? Sure, fine. Every day sees us traveling further down the dystopian rabbit hole, so we might as well go full-on cyberpunk with some sci-fi planes of existence like a “Metaverse.”
Earlier this week, after months of hype, the public was treated to Zuckerberg’s first major example of what his fast-approaching, Facebook-enabled Metaverse has in store for us. So what is it looking like? A sweet Matrix-like situation filled with leather trench coats, platform boots, and indoor sunglasses? Tron bikes? Man, it would be pretty funny and/or infuriating to find out all of this is simply yet another oversell from an already objectively horrible tech megacorp in a bid to siphon even more of our time, money, and private data information...
...Hmm. In the words of one disappointed, yet somewhat unsurprised man: Well, we didn’t know what we expected.
This 2007-esque Wii Sports knockoff is Horizon Workrooms, the first major productivity project available now for beta trials on Facebook Oculus 2 VR headsets. “Zuckerberg said that as far back as middle school, he thought about how to create an immersive system where people could feel like they were together playing games or exploring–part of something called the ‘metaverse,’” reads a report from CBS News. Of course, this is bullshit for two obvious reasons:
A) Zuckerberg has likely never played a game in his life.
B) We’re not too sure he actually has friends.
Horizon Workrooms is just a sad, multimillion-dollar attempt to convince everyone otherwise. Sure, Zuck—you’ve totally got a bunch of best friends who think you’re super cool and fun, they just happen to live in a different state. On the “Metaverse.” So, in summation, Facebook’s revolutionary metaphysical transformation for society is basically just Wii Boardroom. What wondrous times we live in.
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