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Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Modern-day samurai defeats 26 watermelons in glorious combat

In his 17th century book Go Rin No Sho (“The Book of Five Rings”) famed Japanese swordsman Miyamoto Musashi writes of his preferred one-handed katana-wielding technique, “Just as one man can beat ten, so a hundred men can beat a thousand, and a thousand can beat ten thousand. In my strategy, one man is the same as ten thousand, so this strategy is the complete warrior’s craft.”


In the video above, a powerful man of purpose named Ashrita Furman has clearly put Musashi’s teachings to good use in service of striking down a vicious onslaught of 26 watermelons. In doing so, Furman has been awarded the Guinness World Record for most watermelons sliced in half on one’s stomach in 60 seconds, just one of more than 200 titles currently held by the master swordsman and underwater hula-hooper.


“It went really well, it couldn’t have gone better,” said Furman, bathed in the blood of his enemies.

This is not the first run-in Furman has had with a gang of vine-grown cretins. Per ABC News, Furman had previously set a record for slicing watermelon on the stomach of a friend. These most recent watermelons, one must presume, attacked Furman as a futile attempt at seeking vengeance for their fallen brethren.

Though the melons were without honor in life, they will find purpose in death, where they will be served at a local restaurant as juice.

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Contributor, The A.V. Club.

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