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Morrissey is still at war with Jimmy Kimmel, which wouldn't even be happening if everyone were gay

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While Morrissey successfully safeguarded his reputation as a very serious man by taking a stand against Duck Dynasty, the cancellation of his Jimmy Kimmel Live appearance because he didn’t want to be seen with “animal serial killers” has somehow only invited ridicule—not least from Kimmel himself, who used last night’s show to mock Morrissey for bailing. In addition to airing a mock Duck Dynasty clip about hunting for vegetables, and joking that the show had sided with the reality series cast “because they have guns,” Kimmel also concluded that Morrissey “keeps finding new ways to depress us,” scurrilously implying that the ex-Smiths singer has something of a reputation for being a sad-sack.

Aiming to combat this attempt to smear him as depressing, Morrissey responded with a statistic-filled statement reminding everyone about America's very serious issues with mental health and the Sandy Hook tragedy:

I was disappointed with last night’s Jimmy Kimmel Show wherein our smiling host managed to ridicule depression (70% of Americans have experienced depression according to the National Institute of Mental Health). He then found time to ridicule healthy eating (the obesity epidemic in the U.S. costs $147 billion per year in medical expenditure), and he also ridiculed the notion that animals should be entitled to the possession of their own lives. Furthermore, he found time to jokingly promote gun-ownership - hugely amusing for the parents at Sandy Hook, no doubt. He also promoted his special guests Duck Dynasty — who kill beings for fun. None of the above issues are, of course, as important as Jimmy Kimmel himself, who has finally revealed his show to have an overwhelming loss of meaning. Tune in and relive the intellectual fog of the 1950s.


Indeed, trivializing gun violence for your own personal agenda—particularly so soon after the murder of many innocent children—is reprehensible, unless it’s being done in the service of disparaging Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Anyway, it’s probable that Jimmy Kimmel wouldn’t have such welcoming attitudes toward violence were he gay, as Morrissey recently posited in an interview by saying, “Homosexual men would never kill other men. If more men were homosexual, there would be no wars, because homosexual men would never kill other men, whereas heterosexual men love killing other men.” Morrissey then paused from ignoring Jeffrey Dahmer, Alexander The Great, and pretty much all the emperors of ancient Rome to do the same for half the world’s soldiers, declaring, “Women don't go to war to kill other women.” Then he wrote a statement belittling Jimmy Kimmel for living in an intellectual fog and being meaningless.