October 1, 2008
I accidentally
discovered that my son-in-law is into BDSM sex as a "dominant." A few weeks
ago, he was holding one of my dog's leashes and tried to stop my dog (a
13-year-old, docile golden retriever) from running up to another dog by
violently yanking on the leash. My 65-pound dog was violently spun around with
a loud snap.
I reacted in a very
hostile manner. He defended his actions, and I started swearing at him. My
daughter told me I was overreacting, and they both left in a huff. Thinking
about this, I realized that I was thinking about my son-in-law inflicting pain
on my daughter in the same way he did to my dog. I can't stomach the thought of
seeing him again and decided that I had to explain my reasons to my daughter. I
said that I could not accept her husband getting pleasure from causing her
pain. She reacted with hostility, first telling me it was none of my business and
then denying he behaved in that manner. She said I was crazy.
I didn't tell my
daughter that I had snooped in their home and found his ligatures and spanking
porn. I told her that she should talk to someone about it and said that I would
not tell her mother. She eventually told her mother, and I was forced to
explain my reasoning and the source of my knowledge to my wife. I feel that
getting pleasure out of causing another person pain and humiliation is not an
acceptable form of behavior. Now my daughter and son-in-law are not speaking to
me. I don't ever want to see him again but would like to salvage my
relationship with my daughter. Any advice?
Distressed And Depressed
Apologize.
I am a 27-year-old female, single, with an
active dating and sex life. I find that I really enjoy sex while high, both for
its ability to help me lose my inhibitions and for the way it makes me feel
physically. The problem is that while marijuana works well as a social
lubricant, it leaves my mouth bone-dry—which is in no way conducive to
giving a good blowjob. Water barely works at all to solve this problem. How can
I continue to smoke pre-sex and still drum up enough saliva for a good blow?
Blowing Smoke
Your problem is very interesting, BS, but I
actually have more to say to DAD. Hold tight a minute.
Look, DAD, your daughter is right. What she and
her husband get up to in bed—or playroom or sex club or airport
restroom—isn't any of your fucking business. And while you may feel that
"causing another person pain and humiliation is not an acceptable form of
behavior," someone who finds pain and humiliation erotic—someone like,
oh, your daughter—might come to a different conclusion.