Returning to the world from a long stretch of pandemic-induced hibernation provides us all with opportunities to reinvent ourselves. We can show our friends and family that we’ve devoted months of lockdown on self-improvement projects like, say, getting as incredibly, creepily jacked as an actor preparing to star in a Marvel movie. Fortunately, because a year spent trying to deal with the overwhelming horror of a global virus hasn’t inspired most of us to actually do any of this, companies are now selling silicone muscle suits that you can just buy and put on in order to make people think you’ve gotten super yoked during quarantine.
The New York Post, in an article about these products, highlighted skinsuits from the companies KnowU and Roanyer. Both are decently realistic-looking—as much as any disembodied slab of synthetic skin can be, we guess—and cost around $200. The main differences between them are that Roanyer’s “Silicone Muscle Chest Realistic Male Chest Vest Enhancement Cosplay Suit” comes with an eight-pack and that KnowU’s “Macho Realistic Silicone Artificial Simulation Pectoralis” only has a pathetic six-pack. (The latter, it’s worth noting, also advertises itself with a photo of a ripped dude wearing the suit, a boar’s head mask, and a fur belt while holding a metal club.)
The only drawback to these items, it seems, is that leaving the unworn suits around the house is absolutely, 100% guaranteed to make visitors think they’ve accidentally wandered into the den of a murderous serial killer. That’s just a chance that anyone willing to fly so close to the muscleman sun will have to take, though. No potential FBI investigation pain, no jacked polymer torso gain, as they say.
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