On the plus side, Trump's lawyer apparently issues press releases in Comic Sans

Today in We’ll Take Our Tiny Joys where We Can Get Them news: A lawyer speaking on behalf of U.S. president Donald Trump issued a statement yesterday that was apparently written in Comic Sans, the bumbling, blarpy tuba solo of typeface picks. According to Bloomberg News reporter Sahil Kapur, he received a statement yesterday from Trump legal team member Ty Cobb concerning former National Security Adviser Michael Flynn—who was convicted yesterday on charges of lying to the FBI—that was more notable for its visual style than anything it actually said.

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(Kapur later made it clear that this was the form the statement arrived in his inbox in, stymieing accusations that this might be some kind of false font operation.)

And look: There’s no way to know for certain whether Cobb actually scrolled down his writing app, selected Comic Sans, and proceeded to type his defense of the idea that Flynn was a rogue agent, operating entirely on his own and without his boss’ supervision. But fonts are inherently about appearances, and so we can say, with an admitted dash of rhetorical flourish, that any font that looks enough like Comic Sans—that hallmark of homemade birthday cards and shitty webcomics everywhere—functionally is Comic Sans for our purposes.

Meanwhile, in case we needed a reminder that you can say blazingly stupid things in good old Segoe UI, too, Trump issued his own statement on the Flynn plea today, inadvertently suggesting that he knew that his high-ranking staffer had lied to the FBI when he fired him back in January, but did nothing to bring that fact to the agency’s attention.