Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Please enjoy Jennifer Garner, high as hell and crying about Hamilton

Celebrities: They’re just like us… in the sense that we all occasionally get too high and start crying about stuff in front of our friends and sometimes our dealer. The difference is that most celebrities are savvy enough to have someone film their breakdowns so they can later post them on social media. That’s exactly what Jennifer Garner did recently when she shared an old video of her high-as-balls on laughing gas getting teary-eyed just thinking about Hamilton.


“They did the sad part of Hamilton and I started crying,” said Garner through slurred speech to an anonymous listener on the other end of the phone line. “They said, ‘Are you OK?’ and I said, ‘It’s so beautiful!’… and so I told them about it. They have to see it.’” We can only assume that the “sad part” of the Tony Award winning musical Garner is referring to is when Hamilton and Burr prance around singing about how “There are so many [ladies] to deflower.” Or maybe it’s when Peggy gets rudely cut out of multiple conversations?

Also, what’s the context for this scenario Garner is trying her best to describe? Was she seeing Hamilton at the time and then told everyone else in the audience that “they have to see it?” This story doesn’t really add up. Then again, most stories people try to recount when high don’t make much sense. But like any good, sober friend, the person Garner is crying at over speaker phone just gives a few nonjudgmental chuckles and lets the Golden Globe-winning actress have her moment. We can all only hope to be so lucky the next time we’re in a vulnerable, drug-induced state and start thinking about American history-inspired rap musicals.

Contributor, The A.V. Club. Pay me to write for you, you coward.

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