Pour yourself a glass of Herb Ertlinger and settle in for the final Schitt’s Creek premiere

Here’s what’s happening in the world of television for Tuesday, January 7. All times are Eastern.
Top pick
Schitt’s Creek (Pop, 9 p.m., sixth-season premiere): It’ll be more fun if you read this entry with a nice kind of Moira Rose voice. Here, a quick refresher on what sort of voice that is, precisely:
So, here goes: Hello, dearest readers, and welcome to the partially renovated What’s On Tonight. If you love fruit wine as much as I do, you’ll want to pour yourself a nice glass of the riesling rioja (with notes of peach crayayaabapple), throw yourself down upon the tarpaulin-esque sheets of your place of repose, and prepare to watch the sweet bébés of the town of Schitt’s Creek unveil their final season premiere. Will Alexis join her beau in the wilds of the Galapagos, abandoning her mother just when the crow-covered escape ladder has been snatched out of reach? What of David’s engagement with his butter-voiced local paramour? How fares Mr. Johnny Rose’s entrepreneurial endeavors with his faithful Girl Friday, Ms. Stevie Budd? And what will become of our brave heroine Moira, now that her one chance at using her god-given talents to escape the somniferous charms of her local hamlet has vanished?