When Prince stepped behind that billowing white sheet with his pointy guitar in hand during the Superbowl halftime show a number of weeks ago, what did you see?

If your answer was "A former penist with his phallic guitar acting like a pornographic scumbag," then you probably were one of the 150 people who were so scarred by that fleeting image of man-guitar self-love that you wrote in to the FCC to complain. Yesterday,


The Smoking Gun published a number of the outraged complaints, but below are a few highlights–And, as with the Rorschach inkblot test, how the complainants describe what they saw in Prince's silhouette, or that Snickers commercial where two men eat a candy bar Lady And The Tramp-style reveals a lot about them. For instance, the woman who wrote this complaint seems to think that people find bat mutilation arousing:

CBS Sports producers knew, that when the former penist [sic] named Prince brought out that guitar it wasn't going to be good. What next are we going to have Black Sabbath biting the heads off bats or some other pornographic entertainment at the next half-time show CBS Sports presents?

Or maybe she just doesn't know what "pornographic" means, which is possible. Afterall, I don't know what "former penist" means. (I have an idea, though.) Then there's this viewer, who saw a whole lot of detail on that sheet:

During Prince's rendition of Purple Rain, which I think is a really great song, there seemed to be a shadow puppet of his (penis). The sheet? That was the backdrop seemed to be (stained?) with something (semen?) My children were watching and now I have to explain to them what a wet spot is on a cum covered sheet. Thanks CBS.


Well, that's something they should learn at home, rather than out on the streets with strangers somewhere, don't you think? Also, maybe you could explain to your children exactly how you were the only person in America who saw all that. Still, some people found Prince's obvious guitar-penis offensive for other reasons:

I find it highly unacceptable to have a family watching a sporting event only to find Prince stroking, manipulating and fondleing [sic] his guitar behind the curtain. This image only made him look extremely large which made the rest of us feel small, and unable to preform [sic] this evening.

Not only is Prince's bigger, but it can play music. No one can compete with that. Then there's this viewer, who saw through Snickers' candy coating straight to the phallus center:

The indecent materical was part of a Snickers commercial in which an adult male, working on a car, places a snickers bar in his mouth. He then, using the snickers bar in his mouth, simulates an erection next to the face of his male co-worker. The other male eats the bar from the opposite end while both men are making prurient noises. They ultimately make lip contact.


"Simulates an erection"? Really? Whatever you saw, man.