Jesse, Judy, and Baby Billy: Who was the most pathetic Righteous Gemstone this week?

The Gemstones are getting their act together—some are even looking like actual real-life human beings

By Matt Schimkowitz | February 14, 2022 | 6:00am

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Jesse, Judy, and Baby Billy: Who was the most pathetic Righteous Gemstone this week?

From left: Danny McBride (Photo: Ryan Green/HBO), Cassidy Freeman (Screenshot), Edi Patterson (Screenshot), and Tim Baltz (Photo: Ryan Green/HBO) Graphic: The A.V. Club

Welcome to another meeting at the Aimee-Leigh memorial to decide who is the least pathetic member of The Righteous Gemstones. Frankly, the Gemstones are slightly less pitiful this week—despite all the water barfing. Perhaps season two’s sixth episode was rock bottom for the likes of Jesse and Kelvin, who have, in their time of need, touched upon something resembling humanity. But while we’ve questioned their tactics in recent weeks, the brothers Gemstone may be about to rise like a phoenix from the ashes.

Meanwhile, the brotherhood of sisters—which is to say Judy and sister-in-law Amber—is using and abusing some of their newfound wins as another Gemstone steps up and proves his worth. Who showed the most backbone this week, and who’s still a sniveling worm of self-interest? Let’s dig in.

9. Baby Billy

Welcome to another meeting at the Aimee-Leigh memorial to decide who is the least pathetic member of . Frankly, the Gemstones are slightly less pitiful this week—despite all the water barfing. for the likes of Jesse and Kelvin, who have, in their time of need, touched upon something resembling humanity. But while we’ve questioned their , the brothers Gemstone may be about to rise like a phoenix from the ashes. Meanwhile, the brotherhood of sisters—which is to say Judy and sister-in-law Amber—is using and abusing some of their newfound wins as another Gemstone steps up and proves his worth. Who showed the most backbone this week, and who’s still a sniveling worm of self-interest? Let’s dig in.

9. Baby Billy

Let’s get something out of the way: Uncle Baby Billy (Walton Goggins) isn’t a Gemstone, so normally he wouldn’t count. However, him spilling a trailer of health elixirs was simply too sad to go unnoticed. Oh, also, he’s abandoning his wife and unborn child, which is something of a pattern for Walton Goggins’ gray-haired Uncle Baby. Baby Billy is at his lowest moment in a lifetime of lowest moments. It would make Aimee-Leigh cry. How dare he?

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8. Amber Gemstone

After the inroads she made last week, it’s hard to see Amber (Cassidy Freeman) at the bottom like this. But that’s what a bad hashtag can do to a brand. Amber’s tactics were all off this episode, going as far as admitting to Judy that she’s Lady Macbeth-ing her brother. If that wasn’t bad enough, this was the second time in two weeks she beefed it at dinner etiquette. It’s time for Amber to get her house in order before she gets sent #EliGemsHome.

7. Eli Gemstone

We won’t hold the fact that Eli (John Goodman) was in a coma this week against him. In fact, it’s a testament to his smart hiring abilities that he was able to do better than Amber in the rankings without lifting a finger. Martin (Gregory Alan Williams) has been a quality stand-in for the lead Gemstone, doing things very few could: Telling the kids to f off. After reminding Jesse he has a wife and three grown children that live here in the United States, he even forces some much-needed self-reflection from Jesse (Danny McBride). Not to mention, getting a group of mercenaries together at the drop of a beret puts him in the righthand man hall of fame.

6. Jesse Gemstone

For as far back as olden fairy tale times, first born’s step up when their parents aren’t around. And Jesse is finally doing that. There’s still plenty to pity about Jesse, from the aforementioned water barfing to botching his first lead church service (thanks largely to Amber) and getting blasted for taking a seat at the head of the table. But working with Martin, he actually devised a ridiculous action-movie plan that worked. Heck, even that cattle prod did what it was supposed to. Of course, this wasn’t entirely Jesse’s doing. It’s an example of what he can do if he stops letting his ego run the gameboard. This much is certain, though: Jesse needs to find a friend that’s good with explosives or Levi better get himself a copy of the Anarchist’s Cookbook.

5. BJ Barnes-Gemstone

Sometimes a person has to do what a person has to do. And given that he doesn’t believe in gender roles, BJ (Tim Baltz) showed some big “~~bovaries~~” “over-balls” by joining Jesse at the hospital. He’s still a dipwad, but an impressive one, doing some serious person business and taking a ninja star to the head. BJ’s rollerblading toward success—even if a spanking from Baby Billy caused a dip in the dignity department.

4. Kelvin Gemstone

Speaking of improvements, Kelvin (Adam Devine) is starting to resemble another guy who people said would never be as dope as his father. After bringing Keefe (Tony Cavalero) sustenance while his ward tended to a punctured eye, Kelvin cloaks up and faces his family, including his incapacitated father. In fact, Kelvin’s words of remorse and forgiveness are the thing that revives the patriarch. Kelvin might not have known he had one over on his father last week, but Eli won’t soon forget the son who was by his side when he awoke.

3. Judy Gemstone

Judy (Edi Patterson) is the dark horse of the whole family. Always pushed to the sidelines by Jesse and disregarded because she’s a woman by her father, she showed real resolve by confronting Baby Billy about Tiffany. Judy might say it’s because she wants her aunt out of her house, but she’s growing attached to Tiffany—and, really, bonding with other women. Once again, Judy showed her strength, tanking a bourgeoning but dubious Health Elixir startup and caring for a spurned woman in the same day.

2. Gideon Gemstone

Jesse’s stuntman son, Gideon (Skyler Gisondo), has been on the bench for most of the season. Since reconnecting his father in Haiti, Gideon has been trying to figure out his place in the family, and this week, he showed real backbone by confronting his parents about moving out. In doing so, he figured out the Gemstone trick to being less pathetic: Honesty is the way to humanity. That’s all well and good, but we finally got to see some of those stunt person moves, too, this time making Jesse’s action movie fantasies come true by ramming a cattle prod directly into the spokes of an oncoming dirtbike.

1. Aimee-Leigh Gemstone

Aimee-Leigh is perfect. God rest her soul.