Success can be measured by many means: wealth, influence, power, whether or not you can make a convincing case for owning a particular letter of the alphabet. But the true measure of success is being able juxtapose your smiling, utterly breezy visage with a ridiculous, fear-mongering question in an advertisement for your unstoppably popular talk show.

"Ha ha ha! Are you fat because you're dirty? Or dirty because you're fat? Ha Ha Ha This wind machine tickles! Tee-hee-hee! Watch my show."

That is a real ad. Here are a few that aren't.

Stupid, Fear-Mongering Questions Asked By The Laughing Face Of Oprah

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