Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Wednesday, November 11. All times are Eastern.
Arrow (The CW, 8 p.m.): “RAY PALMER RETURNS FROM THE DEAD.”
- Thanks, Arrow press release. Alasdair Wilkins would like to personally apologize to anyone who’s super spoilerphobic (even though the reveal was technically at the end of last week’s episode), but he’s afraid the press release with said apology would get ahead of itself on that too.
- We were kind of hoping that Legends Of Tomorrow was just joking about the whole Ray Palmer part of the story. After all, he’s a big part of and reason for a season of Arrow that we’d really like to forget and call a “gas leak season.”
- By the way, poor Sara is still having herself a bit of Lazarus Pity Party of one, so the return of Ray Palmer is really poorly-timed.
- Did you see Constantine on last week’s episode, where he probably should have been introduced in the first place?!?
Survivor (CBS, 8 p.m.): “An intense water challenge leaves castaways thirsty for a much-needed reward.” Go home, Survivor. You’re drunk. Luckily, Carrie Raisler is sotally tober.
Modern Family (ABC, 9 p.m.): Apparently, Modern Family’s press release person just learned about Pitch Perfect and Adam DeVine even being a part of it, as “Haley finally runs into Andy again and it’s acca-awkward.” They didn’t even use the “aca” device right. Meanwhile, Cam and Gloria live in their own version of a Saved By The Bell episode, as “Cam tries to convince Gloria to recreate and sell her family’s hot sauce.” Also, Luke continues to be the worst. Stay aca-strong (see, we can mess it up too, without an extra “c”) for this one, Kyle Fowle.
Black-ish (ABC, 9:30 p.m.): With an episode title like “Charlie In Charge,” we can only say one thing:
The League (FXX, 10 p.m.): “Taco retires from sex due to concussions. Andre’s one night stand with an Uber driver backfires. Pete binge watches seven seasons of The Block. Ruxin and Sofia use the internet to keep their sex life going while she is in Puerto Rico.” Just reading episode synopses for The League have become exhausting. But maybe Paul Scheer’s script for this week’s episode—titled “The Block”—will turn things around. Shelby Fero will let us know.
Moonbeam City (Comedy Central, 10:30 p.m.): “Cop Con”! Just like Vegas, what happens at Cop Con stays at Cop Con. This week, it’s pretty sexy happenings: “Romance blossoms anew for Dazzle and Pizzaz when the department holds it annual Cop Con.” That means Moonbeam City’s gangs are left “to police themselves,” and given the way the MCPD works, that’s probably for the best. Cop Con just so happens to be Jesse Hassenger’s favorite time of the year—he’s definitely ready to rock out with his cop out.
Casual (Hulu, midnight)
Kingdom (DirecTV, 9 p.m.)
Empire (Fox, 9 p.m.)
Star Wars Rebels (Disney XD, 9:30 p.m.)
South Park (Comedy Central, 10 p.m.)
American Horror Story: Hotel (FX, 10 p.m.)
You’re The Worst (FXX, 10:30 p.m.)
Hey, remember Mulaney? Come on, you know you do. You probably have an “I got a Mulaney notification for this?!” joke at the ready for this very moment. Well luckily, you got a Mulaney notification for a good reason: Marah Eakin has given us the gift of a TV Club Interview with John Mulaney. Of the Fox sitcom Mulaney! And other stuff, of course. In fact, Netflix is releasing some of this other stuff in the form of his latest stand-up special, The Comeback Kid, this Friday. So check out the interview.
Spongebob Squarepants (Nickelodeon, 7 p.m.): Bikini Bottom will never die. Apparently. “A new board game is created by Patrick, and he wants his pals to play it with him; SpongeBob enters the sewers with Squidward after they flush Mr. Krabs’ safe by mistake.” There is a new episode of Spongebob Squarepants on tonight, and this is it.
Tia Mowry At Home (Cooking Channel, 8 p.m.): “Tia invites her favorite guys over for a Thanksgiving feast.” What does that mean? “Favorite guys”? Like… Jesus? Or Roger from Sister Sister?
Rosewood (Fox, 8 p.m.): “Quadriplegia And Quality Time,” huh, Rosewood? You really want to go with that episode title? Welp. Well, in… “Quadriplegia And Quality Time,” “while testifying for the prosecution during a murder trial, Rosewood engages in a pathology chess match with the expert witness for the defense - his father (guest star Vondie Curtis-Hall).” Dun dun dun. So at least we know where the “quality time” thing comes in. We think.
Hellevator (GSN, 8 p.m.): And now we return to Nopevember, with a brand new episode of Hellevator (which we’re pretty sure has yet to take place in an elevator). “Three friends enter the infamous “Murder Castle” built by America’s first serial killer H.H. Holmes. They must complete a series of scary challenges that include being trapped in a vault and fishing for bones in an acid filled tubb for a chance to win up to $50,000 and, oh yeah…stay alive by avoiding a murderous Holmes who’s looking for his next victim.” And, oh yeah… Nopevember rages on.
The Voice (NBC, 8 p.m.): Sorry, Laura the MomCop/CopMom—the results to last night’s live playoffs take priority over whatever mystery may come your way. Where were we? Ah yes, The Voice: Only on NBC. On Monday. And Tuesday. And Wednesday. And every day of the week if NBC gets its way. This is The Voice!
My Big Fat Fabulous Life (TLC, 8 p.m.): “Extra Fabulous - Podcast Edition: Whitney and the Moment of Truth” We’re beginning to think My Big Fat Fabulous Life isn’t a real show.
Regular Show (Cartoon Network, 8:30 pm.): “Mordecai hangs out with Margaret after Rigby and Eileen go to Don’s black belt ceremony.” M&M, hanging out. Having feelings. (At least, Mordecai is having feelings.)
Criminal Minds (CBS, 9 p.m.): Hey, A.J. Cook’s JJ is back from maternity leave! But whoops, Rossi’s daughter Joy (Amber Stevens West) has disappeared! There’s never a dull moment with you, is there, Criminal Minds? “Also, the team is alarmed when Giuseppe Montolo (Robert Neary) dies in prison after he warns Morgan about the ‘Dirty Dozen,’ an underground group of hitmen” Like we said, there’s never a dull moment.
Supernatural (The CW, 9 p.m.): “Castiel seeks out Metatron’s (guest star Curtis Armstrong) help to stop the Darkness. However, Metatron is pretty happy with his new life as a freelance videographer for the local news and isn’t inclined to help the Winchesters or Castiel.” Womp womp.
Cutthroat Kitchen (Food Network, 9 p.m.): It’s “Superstar Sabotage: All About The Bouillabaisse” (baby). This is part two of the five part “Superstar Sabotage” saga—that’s the only word to describe it—and it “continues with sabotages that include making Swedish pancakes in a Viking boat.” But what about the bouillabaisse? “The competing chefs prepare bouillabaisse and brownie sundaes under unusual conditions.” As if the rest of these conditions aren’t unusual.
Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (NBC, 9 p.m.): “The hunt for a missing teenage girl takes an emotional toll on Sgt. Dodds (Andy Karl), and DNA evidence becomes a crucial lead in finding the girl’s abductor.” This sounds way too much like a prototypical episode of Law & Order: SVU for it to actually be one, right?
Nashville (ABC, 10 p.m.): “Rayna’s concerns about Deacon’s business venture with an old friend from AA, Frankie (Mark Collie), threaten to drive a wedge between the lovebirds.” Just go back to making boring music, Rayna. Also, the full synopsis doesn’t even bring up Juliette and that whole “Jeff Fordham plummeting to his doom” thing. Just another day in the life of Nashville season four.
Million Dollar Listing: Los Angeles (Bravo, 10 p.m.): “James negotiates the purchase of the Hustler Building on the Sunset Strip, finding himself across the table from publisher Larry Flynt.” *cue laugh track and applause*
Code Black (CBS, 10 p.m.): “When Christa bonds with an illegal immigrant whose son is diagnosed with cystic fibrosis, she becomes determined to help the woman find long-term care for her son in the U.S.” Classic Christa, going above and beyond when codes are black and whatnot. (We’re toootally watching Code Black.)
Are You The One? (MTV, 10 p.m.): This week’s episode of Are You The One? is titled “Sorry Dad,” which is basically an episode that every season of Are You The One? (really, any MTV reality show) should have. We can’t wait until “Sorry Mom.” Unless… Unless the lack of comma in the title is actually saying that someone on the show is a poor father. Damn. Now we have to watch the episode to find out.
Chicago P.D. (NBC, 10 p.m.): Chicago Platt Update: Oliver Platt does appear in this week’s episode of Chicago P.D.; Chicago Med remains a front for Chicago-based Platt sightings.
The Brain With David Eagleman (PBS, 10 p.m.): According to The Brain, “the brain needs other brains to thrive.” Agree to disagree, The Brain. But we suppose we’ll allow David Eagleman to plead his case, just this one. Needing other brains. Whatever, man.
Coach Charming (TLC, 10 / 10:30 p.m.): What’s happening on Coach Charming this week? “Breaking Rules With Uncle Bill.” Abort! Abort!
Watch What Happens: Live (Bravo, 11 p.m.): This week, Elizabeth Hurley and Ralph Fiennes hang out with Andy Cohen in the ‘90s.
G.I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra (Spike TV, 4:30 p.m.) / G.I. Jane (Lifetime, 8 p.m.): We’re not saying this is the most perfect makeshift double feature to conveniently happen on basic cable. We’re just saying that this is the most perfect makeshift double feature to conveniently happen on basic cable tonight.
NBA Basketball: Lakers at Magic (FSN, 7 p.m.)
NHL Hockey: Canadiens at Penguins (NBC Sports, 7:30 p.m.)
NBA Basketball: Clippers at Mavericks (ESPN, 8 p.m.)
College Football: Bowling Green at Western Michigan (ESPN2, 8 p.m.)
College Football: Northern Illinois at Buffalo (ESPNU, 8 p.m.)
NBA Basketball: Spurs at Trail Blazers (ESPN, 10:30 p.m.)
WWE NXT (WWE Network, 8 p.m.)
Impact Wrestling (Destination America, 9 p.m.)
The Ultimate Fighter (FS1, 10 p.m.)
Ring Of Honor (Destination America, 11 p.m.)
Manhattan: Brandon Nowalk gave last night’s episode of Manhattan, “The World Of Tomorrow,” the show’s second A grade of its second season. Run, don’t walk.