Suri Cruise Is The New Prince Charles

By Amelie Gillette  |  September 6, 2006 | 4:49pm
Aux Features Hater

If you're Katie Couric, and who am I to say you're not, how would you get people to take you seriously as a newswoman after presiding over segments like "Dress For Your Body Type" and "Today Throws A Wedding" for years and years? Maybe you would tone down on the tanning. Or concentrate on honing your "serious" voice. But the most important thing you would do is find a historical precedent for showing pictures of a celebrity's baby on the news so people won't call your broadcast "infotainment."

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(Thanks to Gawker for the clip]

See, uh, important babies have always been important! It's like Suri is the new Prince Charles (that full head of hair could almost be a crown). Which makes Katie Holmes the new Queen Elizabeth (sorry, Britain), and Tom Cruise the new Prince Phillip.

And I think this makes Vanity Fair the new paper of record.

Which is great because they seem to have a knack for punny headlines.

Oh, and in other news brought to you by magazine covers, Justin Timberlake is the new King Of Sex.

Not just of sexy, but sex. He reigns over the whole thing: foreplay, intercourse, even the missionary position––which is a lot to govern when you're also feverishly cultivating a Bruce-Springsteen-but-soaking-wet look.

Wouldn't this picture have made a lot more sense if Timberlake were carrying Timbaland under his arm? When has he used a guitar?

 
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