If you're Katie Couric, and who am I to say you're not, how would you get people to take you seriously as a newswoman after presiding over segments like "Dress For Your Body Type" and "Today Throws A Wedding" for years and years? Maybe you would tone down on the tanning. Or concentrate on honing your "serious" voice. But the most important thing you would do is find a historical precedent for showing pictures of a celebrity's baby on the news so people won't call your broadcast "infotainment." [youtube:xlq-sgqRDk4] (Thanks to Gawker for the clip] See, uh, important babies have always been important! It's like Suri is the new Prince Charles (that full head of hair could almost be a crown). Which makes Katie Holmes the new Queen Elizabeth (sorry, Britain), and Tom Cruise the new Prince Phillip. And I think this makes Vanity Fair the new paper of record. Which is great because they seem to have a knack for punny headlines.

Oh, and in other news brought to you by magazine covers, Justin Timberlake is the new King Of Sex.

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Not just of sexy, but sex. He reigns over the whole thing: foreplay, intercourse, even the missionary position––which is a lot to govern when you're also feverishly cultivating a Bruce-Springsteen-but-soaking-wet look. Wouldn't this picture have made a lot more sense if Timberlake were carrying Timbaland under his arm? When has he used a guitar?