Earlier this week, we reported on a growing contingent of Ted Lasso viewers who believe that actor Brett Goldstein, who plays suspiciously handsome soccer man Roy Kent, is actually CGI—and we don’t even necessarily mean CGI like Tig Notaro in Army Of The Dead but CGI like Bumblebee in the Transformers movies or like Venom in Venom. Now, this is obviously ridiculous. The internet is just having a laugh (as they say in England, the place where Ted Lasso is set) and nobody really thinks Brett Goldstein is a computer-generated monster like Bumblebee or Venom.
Still, though, the conspiracy theory persists, to the point where Goldstein himself has been forced to break his silence and offer his “final statement on the matter” in an Instagram video that proves he’s an actual human and not another soulless spawn from the depths of Industrial Light And Magic. Here’s a link to his video.
Well now hang on… we don’t want to sound absurd, but… is it possible he really is CG? There’s something off about his face here, and the list of “normal human man” things that he does like rendering and buffering are actually things that a computer man would do. He just dropped his own smoking gun and he doesn’t even realize it! Of course, the clearest test of whether or not he’s a robot will be whether or not he can do parkour, which is a new thing that all robots are capable of doing (as of last month). Then again, nobody’s saying he’s a robot, at least until he invites the collective internet to the set of Ted Lasso to see him walking around and interacting with physical objects. Venom and Bumblebee can’t do that, but a robot could. So yeah, Brett Goldstein is made of computers. Consider it confirmed now.