Offering guidance to all those who need directions out of their own ass, popular navigation app Waze has added the option to receive turn-by-turn commands in the voice of actor and bodybuilder Terry Crews. Waze users requiring accurate and subtly emasculating instructions on how to find their way around town, likely because they are soft, can now get them from Crews directly, thanks to a promotional partnership leading up to the second season premiere of Brooklyn Nine-Nine, and by grace of Crews’ scornful pity.
Waze is available for free, as is the shame you’ll feel for not being able to get from point A to point B on your own. To access Crews on your app, simply go to Settings, then Sound, then choose “English (US) – Terry Crews,” then pull over and leave your car on the side of the road for a real man. Then go get yourself a sissy bike with some pretty streamers on the handlebars. Don’t get your pretty dress caught in the spokes, sissy. You want to look nice for your tea party.
