Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Friday, September 13, and Saturday, September 14. All times are Eastern.
The Legend Of Korra (Nickelodeon, 7 p.m., Friday): It’s been a few months past a year since we last saw the wacky kids from Legend Of Korra, and we’ve all grown so much as people. Why, reviewer Emily Guendelsberger actually figured out how to be a water bender, and then she made one hell of a mess. We’re still trying to dry out all of the priceless technical equipment she ruined, including the vintage Apple IIe we use to type up these diatribes. The important thing to remember is that Korra is back. Long may it reign as TV’s best kids’ show (give or take an Adventure Time).
Comedy Bang! Bang! (IFC, 10 p.m., Friday): The summer finale may as well feature Joni Mitchell singing “The Circle Game,” as it features ghosts of sitcoms past—Happy Endings’ Casey Wilson—and sitcoms yet to come—Sean Saves The World’s Tom Lennon. David Sims is a painted pony going round and round.
Borgen (LinkTV, 1 a.m., Saturday): Birgitte continues her attempts to bring peace to Kharun in a two-part episode that probably didn’t need to be a two-part episode. All Todd VanDerWerff hopes is that if she succeeds, the entire cast gets together to sing a cover of “99 Luftballoons.” Birgitte can teach ‘em.
TV CLUB CLASSIC
Doctor Who (Classic) (3 p.m., Saturday): Tom Baker’s Fourth Doctor meets his new Companion, who goes by the name of Leela, and Christopher Bahn is mostly shocked she’s not a beautiful one-eyed mutant. Actually, he knew exactly what to expect. But wouldn’t this show be better that way?
WHAT ELSE IS ON
I Was Impaled (Discovery Fitness & Health, 8 p.m., Friday): With a cheery title like that, who wouldn’t want to watch the latest show DFH has picked up from one of its sister channels to rerun, then pretend like it’s the first time it’s ever been aired? Just think of all of the places one could get impaled! Exciting!
Million Second Quiz (NBC, 8 p.m., Friday): Sonia Saraiya will let you know if this makes any goddamn sense after Monday’s installment, but we’re still trying to figure out how to use the official app to make Ryan Seacrest answer questions about the Mongol horde. Stupid official app! Make Seacrest dance!
Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders: Making The Team (CMT, 9 p.m. Friday): If you’ve always fantasized about being a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader—and who hasn’t?—then this might be the show for you. The rigorous standards upheld by America’s finest organization will be displayed for all to see!
Real Time With Bill Maher (HBO, 10 p.m., Friday): Bill Nye the Science Guy and Rolling Stone writer Matt Taibbi are both featured in this episode, and we find ourselves hoping they’ll collaborate on some sort of wondrous science experiment that displays the rapaciousness of the ruling business classes.
Cops (Spike, 8 p.m., Saturday): Well, well, well, Cops. Here you are. Starting your 26th season, and you don’t look a day over 22. What’s that? You’ve moved over to Spike on cable? Well, that’s… that’s nice for you. No, we’re not backing away slowly. We’re so glad you’ve found success! On… Spike! Yaaaay!
Raising McCain/Jersey Strong (Pivot, 10 p.m., Saturday): If you just happen to get Pivot, then you can check out these new shows. The first follows around Meghan McCain. The second might sound like schlock, but it’s actually from the team behind the acclaimed Brick City, so it will probably be good.
Battleship (Cinemax, 7:45 p.m., Friday): This was the, “Can you believe they made a movie out of that?!” film of last year, despite the clear evidence presented by Clue that board games-turned-films can be awesome. Sadly, however, this one was not. Even with Taylor Kitsch wandering around being hot.
Soylent Green (TCM, 8 p.m., Friday): Spoiler alert: You already know what it is.
Empire Of The Sun (Sundance, 8 p.m., Saturday): This underrated Spielberg film comes from the first period when the Beard was trying to get people to take him seriously by making movies about serious subjects. This one’s pretty good, though, and it features a great performance by a young Christian Bale.
NASCAR Racing: Camping World Truck Series in Joliet, Ill. (Fox Sports 1, 8:30 p.m., Friday): We were going to try to give you a little insight into this race gleaned from the TV Guide summary, but we’ll be honest: We couldn’t make heads or tails of it. What the hell’s a Camping World Truck Series?
College Football: Notre Dame at Purdue (ABC, 8:07 p.m., Saturday): Notre Dame leads Purdue in the all-time series by a record of 56-26-2. That’s a pretty sorry state of affairs for the Boilermakers, so we’ll be pulling for them to make this one happen, even though we’re pretty sure Notre Dame’s got it.
IN CASE YOU MISSED IT
Burn Notice (Thursday): The series ends its run with an episode that, sadly, didn’t feature John Mahoney’s character inexplicably returning to divebomb everybody in a helicopter while blasting Van Halen’s “Panama” out of a speaker. Scott Von Doviak will add that idea to his Burn Notice screenplay.