The MPAA, the film ratings organization that keeps us safe from dangerous movie guns pointed directly at our innocent eyes, recently banned the following poster for Kevin Smith's upcoming movie, Zack & Miri Make A Porno. Their reason? Suggestively placed backs of heads:

Smith wasn't really surprised by the banning, even though as far as allusions to oral sex go, his poster was pretty tame:

"When you've got the word 'porno' in the title, naturally, the marketing materials are gonna be scrutinized more closely by the MPAA," says the director. "I understand they've got a job to do, but c'mon…this image isn't that dirty; they're both fully clad."

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Smith is right: the image really isn't that dirty, especially when you consider other movie posters that may have passed MPAA scrutiny. Take this poster for Dane Cook's magnum opus, Good Luck Chuck.

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I realize that trying to find logic (and consistency) in MPAA decisions is like searching for depth in an America's Next Top Model marathon, but come on.

So for the MPAA, dripping, phallic ice cream cone = acceptably subtle sexual allusion, but backs of heads = unacceptable sexual allusion.

Oh, wait:

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Okay, so maybe the MPAA thinks America can handle the sight of shirtless Dane Cook receiving oral sex, but not fully-clothed Seth Rogen. Or Elizabeth Banks. And they're right: I mean, you can't deny the raw douchebagguality (That's Douchebag + Sexuality. Portmanteau alert!) of Dane Cook.

I'm not sure if the MPAA approved those two posters or if they were only released in an internet-only campaign, but the MPAA definitely approved the following one, which definitively proves one thing: The MPAA hates sexual imagery, unless it involves Dane Cook.

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Yuck. Semi-nude Dane Cook bastardizations of iconic John Lennon photographs are precisely the kinds of things the MPAA should be shielding us from, not relatively innocent, fully-clothed blowjob jokes. What about the children?!?!