Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Thursday, August 21. All times are Eastern.
The Simpsons Marathon (FXX, 10 a.m.): It begins: The much-hyped, much-promoed, massive, chronological event is finally here. Starting this morning The Simpsons will play on FXX, all of it, in order. That’s more than 500 episodes, so we sure do hope you either a) have a week to devote to this or b) don’t really care. Certain members of What’s On Tonight have never seen The Simpsons, so all of this commotion about the show is going over our heads. We are taking the week-long opportunity to watch Futurama again, though. Anyway, the rest of What’s On Tonight will be helping by calling out cool, favorite episodes of The Simpsons that are broadcasting that day. We, meanwhile, are relatively certain The Simpsons exists, but are waiting for incontrovertible proof—like climate-change deniers, mere facts aren’t enough to persuade us.
Steven Universe (Cartoon Network, 6:30p.m.): And this animated show returns from a short hiatus to occupy our screens once again. In “Coach Steven” our hero is determined to become super-strong. Good luck, our hero!
Defiance (Syfy, 8 p.m.): Defiance is merrily doing its thing on Thursday nights for a few weeks yet, but tonight, Syfy is bestowing two episodes, back to back. Rowan Kaiser will be on the scene to follow the harrowing tale of a mine collapse and a “shocking murder” that “rocks Defiance.” We have always assumed that the primary narrative thrust of this show is a bunch of people running to the roofs of their houses and yelling to the sky, “DEFIANCCEEEEE!!” Please do not disabuse us of this notion.
Rectify (Sundance, 9 p.m.): Well, we feel dumb: We kept saying we’d shout this out for the finale, and then we didn’t in an earlier version of this What’s On Tonight. The finale of this rather brilliant show is tonight, and if Erik Adams can be trusted, the second season is fantastic (even if last week’s episode was a bit melodramatic).
Rookie Blue (ABC, 10 p.m.): Two-hour fifth-season finale of this cop drama that still exists. A bomb explodes in a downtown parking garage, which cannot be good. We won’t be covering this, but we have a special place in our heart for this plucky little show that could.
Erik Adams took a look at Netflix’s new adult-animation series, BoJack Horseman. He found it a bit lackluster, even though it stars the vocal talents of some of his favorite comedians: Will Arnett, Aaron Paul, Alison Brie, Amy Sedaris, and Paul F. Tompkins. But on the other hand, it was an opportunity to write the words “BoJack Horseman,” so overall, we’re counting it as a win.
Battlestar Galactica (2 p.m.): Week two of BSG coverage continues with a look at the second half of the miniseries. Will Starbuck and Apollo make it into the landing bay before the Galactica has to make its FTL jump? SONIA SARAIYA HAS NO IDEA HOW THIS STORY ENDS.
The Quest (ABC, 8 p.m.): “The Paladins prepare for war.” “THE PALADINS PREPARE FOR WAR.” “THE PALADINS PREPARE FOR WAR.”
Spark: A Burning Man Story (Showtime, 8 p.m.): A 90-minute look at Burning Man, that thing that happens in Nevada which usually connect to drugs in some meaningful way. Burning Man! Let’s goooooo
Big Brother (CBS, 9 p.m.): Every week, the description for this is exactly the same. When will America catch on to this treachery? WAKE UP, SHEEPLE!
MythBusters (Discovery, 9 p.m.): “Methods for boarding an airplane are tested,” reads the logline. How could there be various methods? Is this like, whether or not you hold your laptop case in your right or left hand? Or are we talking fighter jets? We are confused… and intrigued.
Dating Naked (VH1, 9 p.m.): Tonight: An accountant-turned-MMA fighter and an artist from Denver attempt to date each other while naked.
Ridiculousness (MTV, 10 p.m.): “Larry King helps break down outrageous viral videos.”
#candidlynicole (VH1, 10 p.m.): “Nicole tries to reconnect with her sibling, leading her to a support group. Nicole also warmly looks back at the 1990s series Beverly Hills, 90210.”
LeAnn And Eddie (VH1, 10:30 p.m.): “LeAnn grows concerned about her fertility levels and has them tested. Meanwhile, Eddie takes the puppies to dog therapy.”
Black Jesus (Adult Swim, 11 p.m.): We are not bright enough to be totally on top of things, so we forgot to include Aaron MacGruder’s newest endeavor, Black Jesus, until just now. We won’t be covering this show regularly, but we do have an eye on it, or maybe two, depending on how many eyes we have at any given moment.
So You Think You Can Dance: But can you actually? Or do you just think you can? Huh? Do ya dance, punk? Oliver Sava doubts it.