Though The Sopranos premiered in 1999, it’s taken until now for a deli meat company’s marketing department to happen upon the precise combination of elements that would give us a Halloween ad campaign that capitalizes on people’s love of the holiday, the HBO show, and cold cuts. But now, finally, we have it and it’s taken the form of a deli meat-loving undead mobster called The Gabaghoul.
The dread Gabaghoul is played by Vincent Pastore—or, in our fan fiction, the undead Salvatore “Big Pussy” Bonpensiero, returned from a watery grave where he learned how to make party appetizers. Pointy-eared, his pallid flesh covered partially by a tank top, gold chain, and black bathrobe, The Gabaghoul lives in service to his patron, Dietz & Watson, and their “Halloween Hosting” campaign.
A trio of videos shows off the creature’s best packaged meat recipes for those of us who can’t afford a Vampire Artie Bucco to cater our parties. In the first of them, The Gabaghoul introduces himself by turning to the camera and stating, deadpan: “Hey, it’s me, The Gabaghoul.” He then says “marone” as he eats a piece of meat, takes out a hatchet to cut up a hoagie, and accidentally chops off his own hand.
In the second and third, that crazy ol’ Gabaghoul asks us a rhetorical “how ya doin’?,” yells at a ghost named Gino, then talks about hot dogs, and tries to kill one of the pesky bat that haunt his actually-not-that-scary kitchen.
It’s all in a day’s work for The Gabaghoul, who stands by, ready and willing to advertise for food companies that, if we follow the commercials’ logic, have managed to get a mafioso goblin-man to pitch their products in some immortal satanic pact.
Still, for human viewers, we urge caution when it comes to this ad campaign, reminding you not to eat a bunch of Halloween party food directly from the fridge before bed. That’s a one-way ticket to long, strange dreams about having to whack The Gabaghoul, and nobody wants that.
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