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As we all learned from the Voight-Kampff test depicted in Blade Runner, seeing how people act in seemingly mundane or arbitrary situations can tell you a lot about the inner workings of their brains. When you see a turtle stuck on its back, do you flip it over or let it bake in the sun? When you squeeze a tube of toothpaste, do you start from the bottom or squeeze right at the top like a goddamn monster? And, perhaps most importantly, how do you handle your bread bag?


A recent tweet asks users to look inward and find the answer to this deeply personal and very serious bread question. In the meme styled after the Dungeons & Dragons system for character alignment, each bread-preserving technique is given as a cross-section between good, neutral, or evil on the y-axis and lawful, neutral, or chaotic on x-axis. Naturally, the lawfully good paladins of the sandwich realm will always keep their loaves pristine in a bread box. Meanwhile evil bread owners resort to simply tucking the bag underneath the reaming bread or leaving the bag completely open like some mold-craving heathen. True neutral toast-makers do their best to stay out of the conversation by employing the use of a nearby rubber band.

So, which are you? This is important. Get off your computer and go look at the loaf of bread in your kitchen. Go on. Go. Weโ€™ll wait. And before you ask, this is the โ€œbottle hack,โ€ i.e. a thing literally no one does.