This Week In Terrifying Hybrids

1. Sylvester Stallone + 20 years + lots and lots of jungle + some weird song about cobras = the trailer for Rambo




It seems like a weird and kind of pointless goal, but if Sylvester Stallone wants to recapture his youth through a combination of plastic surgery, steriod supplements, and reprisals of all of his roles from 20 years ago, who are we to stop him? After all, apart from the grating, old-man-going-through-puberty quality in his voice, he does seem surprisingly youthful in both Rambo and Rocky Balboa. Maybe by the time he gets around to Oscar 2 in 2011, he'll actually have reversed his body's aging process! Probably not, of course, but I bet that's what he thinks.

2. Lance Bass + introspection + a complete lack of career options = Out Of Sync: A Memoir

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Congratulations, Lance Bass. You've successfully transitioned from "one of the guys who was in N'SYNC" with Justin Timberlake" to "the gay guy who was in N'SYNC with Justin Timberlake," to "the guy who wrote a tedious book about what it was like to be the gay guy in N'SYNC with Justin Timberlake." That's quite a career arc.

Still, the title of the book is commendable. Who knew that "'N SYNC" could be suffused with so many meanings? Although I think Not N' The Closet would have worked better.

3. Jerry Seinfeld + HP + Bee Movie, Bee Movie, Bee Movie = Jerry Seinfeld's HP commercial

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The HP our-computers-are-like-magic-and-you're-the-magician hands commercials are always a little annoying, but, see, this one is different because Seinfeld knows they're annoying. He's self aware! And that self-awareness might have been enough to make the commercial mildly amusing if he didn't also worm in two self-aware Bee Movie plugs, and then define "genius" as "married to me and able to bake with pureed vegetables."

Instead of the constant self-aware Bee Movie promos, wouldn't it be great if Seinfeld just wore an LED headband that constantly flashed "Bee Movie" wherever he went? It would be a lot less irritating.