This Week In Terrifying Hybrids
1. Matthew McConaughey + the breath of life + A Christmas Carol = Ghosts Of Girlfriends Past
McConaughey keeps getting older, but the movies stay depressingly the same.
If 100 monkeys were typing on 100 typewriters for an infinite amount of time, they'd definitely come up with this script within the first ten minutes. But, of course, they wouldn't show it to anyone, because it's clearly just a beginner's screenwriting exercise, and monkeys have dignity. McConaughey not so much.
Also, this movie's original title was more fitting: JK Scroogin'
2. Kanye West's "Stronger" + Animal Planet – absolutely any drama = Jockeys.
Wow. They should call that show Jockeys!! because of all the excitement. Who knew that such tiny athletes lived such big lives? Did you see when that person totally shifted their car into gear? It was like the preview was shifted onto another plane of excitement. How about when that one jockey was at dinner or whatever? So thrilling. Or when that other jockey had to step up on the bench to knock over all the tiny boots? Jockeys only have one speed: horse!
I know that jockeys are well-trained athletes who have a very fast job, but somehow I don't think their lives are as intense as this show wants us to think they are.
3. Starship Troopers – logic + The More You Know = This PSA
(Via Defamer)
So, then the giant alien bugs are the pedophiles? But in the movie, weren't the troopers dehumanized, thoroughly brainwashed aggressors, and the bugs the victims? Are the abused children alien bug larvae?
Look, Casper Van Dien. Everyone wants to make Starship Troopers a metaphor for everything all the time, but it rarely works.