As we aimlessly drift past the one-year anniversary of Donald Trump’s election, through a world in which Twitter has become an instrument of international statecraft, and every male pop culture hero is a ticking time bomb of predatory behavior just waiting to be revealed, the urge to drown ourselves in the sweet embrace of booze grows ever increasingly strong. (And that’s not even taking into account that tomorrow is Thanksgiving, the Ironman endurance marathon of family sit-downs.) And while we, personally, do not have access to a swimming pool’s worth of vodka at the moment—and will thus have to content ourselves with drowning the pain the old-fashioned way—we’re finding it hard not to identify with and, yes, even envy a little bit, a gang of thieves operating in Los Angeles this week, who actually do.
To be clear, we here at The A.V. Club don’t advocate the cool crime of robbery: Stealing is wrong, and there are plenty of laws, stone tablets, and episodes of kids’ TV out there that prove it. (Still, if you’re going to commit grand-theft, grand-theft vodka is a fairly appealing way to go.) In any case, this is all courtesy of ABC 7, which reports on a theft of 1,800 gallons of vodka—valued at $278,000—from an L.A.-area distillery earlier this week. Obviously, that sucks for Fog Shots, the company in question, even if the stuff is dutifully insured. (After all, they’re still missing the sales from those of us who are trying to drink ourselves blind legitimately, instead of employing extra-legal means.) And it absolutely does not sound like the recipe for a super-chill Thanksgiving pre-game, the details of which the thieves should definitely not hit us up with. Still: We get it, yeah? Looking at the state of the world here in November 2017, we fucking get it.