To The Woman Who Played The Replacement Becky On Roseanne:

I just watched your Hanes commercial and allow me to be the first to say that this is beneath you. You're a human being, right? Well, this is beneath all human beings.

No one should have to advertise wedgies.

Also, what, exactly, is wrong with your underwear/anatomy that you need a few bouts of vigorous dancing to loosen it from the vise-grip of your buttocks? Is it painful? It looks painful. When you get dressed in the morning, do you use a team of oxen to yank on your underwear? Maybe you should stop doing that. Do you suffer from gluteus maximus dentatus?

No one should ever have to ponder any of the above questions about anyone.

Please, stop "shaking it out." The music alone is enough to annoy the entire nation's population for generations. Your commercial is like a massive atomic wedgie lodged firmly in the generous posterior of America. (You and your grimacing wedgie face made me write that sentence. Happy?) For God's sake, just pick it out.



Because apparently everything has to have a gag-reel now, there is a Behind-The-Scenes featurette about this commercial. It's longer than the commercial itself, but it doesn't offer any insight as to how The Woman Who Played The Replacement Becky On Roseanne got into character as The Woman With The Worst Wedgie In The World. I imagine it involved a lot of directorial coaching to arrive at that particular "I have a really bad wedgie" face: "Ok, Sarah. So you have a wedgie, and it's really uncomfortable. No, really uncomfortable. Like you're walking around with your underwear up your butt. Yeah, twist your face a little more. Ok, great! Let's roll."

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