The countdown to the premiere of the CW's Beverly Hills: 90210 redux ticks in time with the Doomsday clock–mostly because it is the Doomsday clock–and this week Yahoo! posted! some "exclusive" pictures from the show that is so hotly anticipated TV viewers everywhere are collapsing from heat exhaustion on the parched, dry riverbed that is the CW while the merciless sun of 90210 beats down on their limp bodies.
So what's the show going to be like–besides a bland melange of overdone high school soap elements and clumsy attempts at relevancy? Here is the first episode, in pictures.
First, the gang all gathers at La Nouveau Peach Pit Apres Noir for a Noxzema commercial shoot. While there, they all pose for a few "natural" "hanging out" photos, figuring they can always sell them to stock photo agencies. Most of the gang are experienced college brochure models.
Ethan gets in the "text zone," aka the state of mind in which the bests texts are sent. Teens everywhere will totes relate.
Navid seethes with jealousy over Ethan's superior textability. Later on, he drunk texts while driving (dtwd) just to prove he can, with disastrous, thumb-breaking results.
Later, at the after party on the beach, Annie considers hurling herself on the bonfire in front of everyone, just to make it all stop, and to ensure that Beverly Hills High will never, ever forget Annie. Just joshin! Here, Annie's gazing into the bonfire cause it reminds her of Ethan's eyes, bright with the glow of his Blackberry as he sends her luvtxts.
Meanwhile, the parents also have a storyline about washing the car or adjusting to LA or something else totally boring. They're written out ("Kids? Your father and I have decided to take a cruise around the world for an indefinite amount of time. Watch the house!") of the show by episode 3.
"Um, guys? You won't believe the text I just got from Navid: 'HLP Pz o god o god BLEDIn 911!!!' Ha ha ha. Is he serious? What a total douchenozzle. It's like his thumbs are broken or something."